hell above.

Chapter 31

I had been home now for two weeks, two weeks of absolute misery. I didn't speak, I couldn't I was afraid that when I opened my mouth all I would do is cry. My parents and Richard were still here which was also torture. My mom would sit next to me on the couch, that I hadn't moved from except to pee and shower, she'd fuss over me the whole time, wanting to check on my stiches, it was a blessed day when they finally got removed at least she would stop fussing, or so I thought. She was addiment that she would get me back to talking but I ignored her questions, that's what I did to everyone. All I wanted to do was fucking die. I didn't deserve to live, my baby deserved life and I was mad at Matt for choosing me. I had never felt this depressed in my whole life. Michael and Reeve would come over everyday but I wouldn't talk to them either. Matt was the only one that didn't push me to talk, he would just beg me to eat, take me to the doctor when needed. Richard didn't push either, I don't think he knew what to say. My dad would sit with me everyday filling a crossword asking me if I knew the answers and like everyone else I just ignored him. There was nothing I could say to anyone, there was nothing I wanted to say. My baby was dead and I was alive, I hated it, I hated the situation, I hated that Matt had made that decision and I hated myself most of all.

"Yeah that's fine, thank you" Matt said ending a call as he came downstairs. "Beck that was the label, they have letters for us, they said they would send someone to drop it off." He said sitting next to me, I didn't say anything, I didn't even look at him. I had no interest in reading letters and I had no interest in him telling me this. All I wanted was death. Matt got up shortly after I didn't reply. He was worried. I knew he was but I didn't care.

When Richard made his way to my couch I almost broke my silence by groaning out loud. Why wouldn't these people just leave me alone?

"This is bullshit Becca" He looked at me, I didn't make eye contact I just looked away. "I know you're hurting right now but you can't just sit here for the rest of your life, you need to eat, you need to sleep." He went on "Your baby died so that you could live, not sit here and waste away" I looked at him now with pure venom "Eye contact, thank god" He said sarcastically. "Look Beck, you doing this is not helping anyone, Mom's worried sick, Dad is doing his best but his breaking at the sight of you and Matt... Matt is a mess, his worried about you, he hates himself for doing this but he made the right choice, any one of us would have done the same thing." This was the end of his little speech and it made no difference to me. I will sit here, I won't eat, I won't sleep and eventually death will come and put me out of my fucking misery. I looked over at them sitting in the kitchen silently drinking coffee. Matt looked tired, he looked sad and maybe he was. I knew that the choice must have been difficult for him but he chose wrong and there wasn't a god damn thing I could do about it. The day passed as it did everyday. I sat looking out of the French doors watching the sun set. I heard the front door open, thinking it might be Michael or Reeve but to my surprise it was Daniel.

"Get out" Matt snapped when he saw him

"Relax I'm only here to drop these off" He said putting down a bag of letters "Well and to enjoy a little bit of your misery" He smiled "She doesn't look too well" Daniel smirked looking at me, making my blood boil, it was nice to feel something other than the numbness even if it was just anger.

"You know you're the reason for that Matt but don't worry I get it, I didn't want a baby with her either, the little bastard is better off dead" I clinched my fists as the rage boiled through me.

"You and I are not the same" Matt said lowly, he was angry too I could see it. Maybe he'd beat the shit out of Daniel and we could be done with that asshole. A girl could dream.

"Yes we are, you're a baby killer just like me" He admitted and that's when I saw nothing but red. The rage had taken over me completely.