Somebody Else ✔

When bikies cry.

TW – We got some drug use, mentions of eating disorders/abuse, self harm and some all around shitty behaviour.

If you are struggling with anything, get help. Please. Get help.
Some helplines, if needed (Australian numbers),
Butterfly foundation - 1800 33 4673
Lifeline - 13 11 14
Beyond blue - 1300 22 4636

Also, it's a long ass chapter.

**

Izzy.

Edited.

I lived by ultimatums. I was always giving them to myself. Making myself chose between one thing and another.

I remembered sitting on my floor, surrounded by my text books and giving myself one. I can't do both, I thought, I'd have to pick. I can't make myself eat and stop hurting myself and pass year 12 at the same time, I told myself over and over. Shaking, I searched eating disorder help into Google. The Devon Clinic came up first, along with some help lines. I read that there was only 10 beds at various clinics available in the whole of Western Australia for eating disorders. Only 10 fucking beds. I clicked off the sites quickly. It's not even that bad, I convinced myself.

I remember thinking, It's fine. Just until schools done. Then I can pick it back up, and I'll be fine again. It'll be fine.

Months later, and everything thing was not fine. I wrapped my arms around my waist, my bare feet treading carefully over the damp grass. The park was shrouded in darkness, illuminated softly by the dull silver glow coming from the sky above. I stumbled as I walked, my stomach cramping. The stench of tequila was stuck under my nose, the bitter taste lodged in my throat. The plaid skirt I wore – mums – was too tight around the waist, and the zipper on the back dug into my spine. I wriggled my fingers against it, a jab of pain jolting me. It restricted my breathing so much I couldn't take a full breath, the skirt pressing harshly against my ribs.

Sitting on the swing, his face half hidden by the cloud of smoke he was enveloped in, was Cole. Shit, I thought, and tried to turn back around and run, but he spotted me. "Izzy?" He called, and I winced.

"Hey Cole." I said, my teeth chattering. He rose slowly, and pulled me in for a brief hug. He smelt like whiskey and cigarettes. "What are you doing here?"

"I actually live right over there." He pointed to one of the houses across the road from the park. "When I'm not at Jace's."

He tugged me back over the the swings and fell back down. "Not at home?"

"My almost step dad tried to ground me." He pushed himself gently on the swing. "Shit went south real quick." He went to offer me the smoke, then put it out against the beam of the swing.

"Wanna come back to mine?" I blurted, my vision tilting.

"What?" He blinked, and I felt a rush of confidence go through me; or the wave of tequila hit?

"There's a party, well it's the monthly Finlay family piss up, so." I shrugged. When my older cousins were younger it'd be weekly, and we'd go away and camp out in the bush, but I didn't mention that.

"It's a school night?" Cole blinked and I pursued my lips. He was right, but besides the littler ones, I was the only cousin still in school. Plus, it was the only night for weeks all my uncles and aunts didn't have to work the next day."I dunno, it's a family thing." Cole's eyes were on his phone, which shook gently in his hand.

"You know all of them though? Like aren't you friends with my cousins?" I prodded, not really sure why I was inviting him.