Content With Loneliness

.30 L Word

Cassidy’s POV

 I groaned at the sound of an alarm clock disrupting my sleep. Trying to ignore it, I snuggled closer to the source of body heat that was currently keeping me nice and warm along with blankets. But just as I nestled my face in the crook of his neck, he sat up just enough to lean over me and turn off the alarm before flopping back down again, dragging my body back to his.

 The peace and quietness only lasted a few moments before he spoke, though he sounded like he was still half asleep. “I gotta go Cas.”

The only response he received from me was a disapproving grunt as I sleepily clung to his body, desperately wanting him to stay.

Since when do I act like this towards people?

“You know I can’t stay.” He chuckled, petting my hair.

I sighed and finally detached myself from him, opening my eyes to take in Brian’s messy bed head and sleepy smile as his brown eyes met mine.

“Good morning.” He said, reaching for my hand that rested on his chest to bring it up to his lips.

“Totally not a good morning.” I grumbled despite the butterflies that erupted in my stomach. I hated that he had that effect on me.

“Why’s that?” He asked amused although he knew exactly why.

“You’re leaving me.”

“I’ll be back.” He snickered. “It’s only for a couple weeks and then you’ll be coming out to see me.”

“I know,” I sighed, “but still.” I wasn’t sure where I was going with that. It was weird to feel this attached to Brian. It’s like now that I finally let my walls down around him I suddenly became this lost puppy without him. I felt needy and clingy but at the same time I didn’t care enough to stop. Especially since he didn’t seem to mind. In fact he seemed quite happy to have me wanting to be with him so much even though it was pretty out of character for me.

“So strange how you don’t want me to go.” He mused with a playful glint in his eyes. “It’s as if you actually like me or something.”

I giggled and decided to go along with his game. “Yeah and we both know that would never happen.”

“Oh never.” He smirked. “Especially not last night when I-“

I cut him off by pressing my lips to his, both of us laughing into the kiss. He ended it with a few short pecks to my lips and then one on my nose before smiling down at me.

“I should really start moving. The guys are gonna give me hell if I’m late.” He said with an almost sad sigh but he didn’t make any moves to leave the bed, just continued to stare at me.

“Well what are you waiting for?” I urged him on even though I was perfectly happy with him staying here.

A nervous laugh bubbled past his lips before he rolled on to his side, propped up by his elbow as he stared down at me. I suddenly felt nervous as well, though I had no idea why we were nervous right now.

“I love you.” He breathed out, still gazing into my eyes intently, taking me by surprise. “I don’t expect you to say it back right now. I know you wanted to take things slow but I just needed you to know… I love you.” He repeated those three words and I was honestly at a loss for words. So I mumbled out a pathetic little “okay”.

He forced a smile, leaned down to kiss my forehead and then got up from the bed and made his way into the bathroom.

Brian loved me… Well not loved but loves.