Content With Loneliness

21. Thanksgiving

Cassidy’s POV-

 ‘Happy Thanksgiving :)’

I couldn’t stop myself from laughing dryly at Brian’s text. This Thanksgiving was anything but happy. For one, I couldn’t shake the thought of my dad from my head. This was the first holiday that I would be celebrating without him and I was just missing him terribly. A part of me felt guilty for even trying to participate in this holiday without him.

And on top of that, dinner turned out to be a disaster. My aunt and uncle have apparently been going through a rough patch in their marriage after going through a miscarriage which no one else even knew about until the secret came out during their little feud. Their argument grew a little too heated and then suddenly a bunch of people were bumping heads for god only knows what, just a bunch of family drama. The only thing that stopped all the shouting was my grandmother’s outburst, having had enough of all the bickering, she just yelled and gave a long lecture about how pitiful we looked as a family before storming off.

‘Not exactly. I hope your holiday went well though.’ I texted back, continuing my walk. I doubted anyone was wondering where I was. Everyone was a little busy trying to cool down themselves.

My phone dinged with another text. ‘Something wrong?’

‘Lots of things, but don’t worry about it.’

I was just about shove my phone back in the pocket of my jacket when it started ringing. Brian’s name was flashing across the screen. I sighed and decided to answer it.

“Hey, are you okay?” The concern in his voice honestly warmed my heart a bit. Sometimes I really wondered why or how he could care about me so much.

“I’m fine, it’s just been a rough day. I think I could go for a drink.” I admitted with a dry chuckle.

“Well where are you? I’ve got plenty to drink at my place.” He offered sweetly. He had that typical Brian playfulness in his voice this time but I knew that he was also being serious.

“Thanks but no thanks.” I told him. “I’d rather not steal you from your family just because mine are being a bunch of asses.”

“I actually just left my dad’s place and am about to head to my mom’s. You’re more than welcome to join.”

What he said reminded me a lot of what it was like for me after my parents split. I would spend half the holiday with one parent and then the other half with the other. Only this time, although I did go to see my dad’s side of the family earlier today, I didn’t get to see my dad.

“No Bri, I’d hate to intrude-“

“You’re not intruding.” He interrupted, speaking as if I were being absolutely ridiculous. “I’m inviting you. I doubt anyone would mind. Besides you’ve already met half of these people and it’s not like they hate you or would hate you.”

I kept quiet, unsure of what to say. Despite the huge fight earlier, it still sounded a little fucked up leaving my family and going to a different one. One that I barely knew for that matter. But another part of me thought that it could be fun. Brian always had a way of making me feel better, as much as I hate to admit it.

“Come on Cassidy. Where are you?” He asked after I didn’t say anything. “I’ll come pick you up.”

I sighed and then told him where my grandmother live so he could come get me. I decided now would probably be a good time to head back to the house instead of leaving without a single goodbye.

Agreeing to go with Brian to see his family had turned out to be a great decision. They were so kind and welcoming. The only downfall though, was that some of the family members that hadn’t met me last time I went to one of their gatherings, thought that Brian and I were together as a couple. So we again, had to go through the awkwardness of Brian having to clear up that we were just friends. Even though just friends was certainly not the right term for us but I refused to acknowledge us as friends with benefits or fuck buddies. And his brother, Brent still kept sending Brian a doubtful look whenever he cleared up our relationship status.

But I had a good time nonetheless. I hadn’t spent much time talking to Brian’s mother when we first met, but we talked a lot tonight. She was very sweet and easy to talk to. And she of course loved her two boys more than anything. I almost felt guilty as she talked about how she wishes Brian would find a nice girl to settle down with. And a small part of me, although I would not admit out loud, grew a little bit jealous at the thought of Brian finding said girl. But I was quick to push those thoughts and feelings to the back of my mind, reminding myself that Brian and I were friends… kind of. And we would never be anything more.

“Pinkly!” Brian’s voice pulled me from my thoughts as we walked through the front door of his house. “How’s my girl?!” The little dog jumped and barked and wagged her tail excitedly as her owner got her all riled up before putting her out to go to the bathroom. He stood out there with her for just a few minutes until she finished and then joined me in the living room. He flopped down on the couch next to me, draping his arm across the back of the furniture behind my head.

“So did you wanna talk about what happened with your family earlier?” This was the first time he had brought it up. I was thankful that he didn’t immediately start poking and prodding at what was going on, just made sure that I was distracted from those feelings.

I was feeling better now so I had no problem telling him everything that went wrong today. Now that I was thinking about it, I didn’t even care anymore. The family would be fine, everyone would make up before I knew it. The only thing that was really bothering me was the fact that my father was still gone.

He kept quiet as I told him everything, nodding his head every once in a while to show that he was listening. And he only spoke up after I finished talking. “I do have those drinks if you still want them?” He offered with a smile.

I laughed softly, shaking my head. “You know us and alcohol don’t go well together.”

“I think we go together perfectly.” He winked playfully.

I wanted to laugh but the thought of his words having a double meaning to them prevented me from doing so. “I think I just want to go to bed.”

He nodded his head and quickly stood up, extending his hands out to me so he could pull me from the couch and lead the way up stairs and to his bedroom.

He immediately kicked off his shoes and changed into a pair of basketball shorts before realizing that I was still just standing by the door. He didn’t need to ask any questions, just grabbed one of his clean t-shirts and handed it to me with a small smile gracing his lips.

I didn’t see the point in going somewhere else to change. It wasn’t like he hadn’t seen my body plenty of times before. So, I removed my clothes and put his shirt on which came to about mid-thigh on me. Brian was already settling into bed by the time I was finished so I climbed in next to him. He didn’t even hesitate to reach over and pull my body to his, engulfing me in his big arms and resting his chin on the top of my head.

I was feeling so conflicted. A huge part of me loved being with Brian like this. These moments where we weren’t teasing each other, or fighting, or any of the typical nonsense that went on between us, were actually enjoyable. I liked that he made me feel safe and cared about. And I liked that he kept quiet as I snuggled closer even though it contradicted everything that I say about my feelings towards him, our relationship and how it should be.

But on the other hand I hated that we were this comfortable with each other. The fact that we could just strip ourselves half naked and then hop in bed with each other and cuddle, worried me. How did we even get like this in the first place? I always intended to keep my guard up so that we would never end up like this; so close and intimate. I knew that this was just setting us up for a disaster but I couldn’t find it in myself to force him away. And that fact alone only worried me even more.