Nakayuko lang ako habang katabi si Ian. Hindi ko alam kung paano niya nalaman ang tungkol sa amin ni Jahann. Hindi ko alam kung paano niyang nalaman na si Jahann ang ama ni Nikolai.
I heard him heave a sigh. He reached my hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. Hindi ako makatingin sa kanya dahil hindi ko alam kung kaya ko bang harapin ang mga mata niya.
I know what I did was wrong. Alam ko na noon pa naman talaga dapat ay hindi na ako pumayag na magpanggap siyang tatay ni Nikolai. Hindi na sana sita nahihirapan...
"Hey, I am not mad at you..." he said softly. He moved closer and kissed my head. I bit my lip harder.
"H... how did you know...?" lakas-loob kong tanong sa kanya bago ako nag-angat ng tingin sa kanya. I saw him looking at me.
He cupped my face and wiped my tears. "It's a wild guess, sunshine..." he said. "You're different around Jahann. He's different when you're around, too..." he smiled sadly. "Even before, I know he's so protective of you... but observing him whenever you're together, he can't take his eyes off of you..."
Hindi ko alam na ganoon ang nakikita ni Ian sa amin. Wala naman ni isa sa mga kasama namin ang nagsasabi ng ganoon. Minsan ay inaasar ni Keij si Jahann na ako ang favorite nito pero maliban doon ay wala naman na akong ibang naririnig sa kanila.
Ang naisip ko, they're used to it. Sanay na silang ganoon talaga si Jahann sa akin.
"Seeing him with Nikolai, I can clearly see where I stand in your life..." he caressed my face and kissed my forehead. "I know you love him... and I don't know why..."
I bowed my head and closed my eyes. Kahit naman ako ay hindi ko alam bakit sa dami ng tao sa mundo, kay Jahann pa ako nagkagusto. Bakit si Jahann pa ang minahal ko? Kahit saan tignan, hindi tama.
Kahit saan tignan, halatang walang patutunguhan...
"I came here because I really want to talk to you... I thought, maybe if I'll see you again, maybe if I see that my thoughts were wrong, then I will just keep on waiting for you, but..." he shook his head and smiled sadly.
"Ian..." I squeezed his hand. Hindi ko mapigilan ang pagtulo ng luha ko habang hawak ang kamay niya. "I'm sorry..." I don't know if there's a word that I can use to tell him how sorry I was.
"Why are you sorry? Hindi mo ako pinilit. Ako 'yung umako, hindi mo naman ako pinilit na gawin iyon..." he still managed to smile despite the fact that his eyes were clouding with tears. "I didn't regret doing it, because I really love you. You and Nikolai..."
"Shh... stop crying..." he pulled me closer and hugged me tight. He was hugging me tight like it'll be the last time he'll be able to hug me.
Hindi ko alam pero pakiramdam ko sa yakap na iyon ay pamamaalam.
He's been so good to me, to Nikolai... hindi ko maitatanggi iyon dahil noong panahon na kailangan ko ng kausap, hindi nagdadalawang-isip si Ian na samahan ako.
"I'm so sorry..." ani kong muli habang umiiyak. Wala akong ibang masabi sa kanya kundi sorry dahil alam kong kasalanan ko naman talaga ang nangyari.
He chuckled and kissed my head again. "Don't be..." he cupped my face and he tried to smile at me. "I am still Nikolai's Daddy Ian, okay? Don't take that away from me."
Hinawakan niya ang magkabilang pisngi ko at muling pinalis ang mga luha ko. "Don't cry, sunshine..."
"It's just... I know hindi ako naging mabait sa'yo... I used you... and..." I bit my lower lip to stop myself from sobbing.
