Love is a Broken Window | Cricky [C]

3 | Nightmares

| Ricky's POV |

The rain fell in front of my eyes, but I didn't feel it. It was obvious this was an lucid, pill driven dream, but nothing could wake me from it. I was stuck here. Being caught up in my own conscious is one of my worst fears! I hate this so much! Seeing myself, feeling myself, hearing myself, but not controlling myself.

I slowly walked along a bridge, in the middle of God knows where. The road was so dark, as was the sky. I couldn't see more than about ten feet in front of me. Why was I here? Why was I walking in the rain, in the middle of the night? What the Hell was this supposed to mean?

My ears were ringing. My hair was soaked, my jacket was heavy on my back. I felt hopeless and broken. Maybe the sky was crying for me, because I had ran out of tears. I stopped in the middle of the road. There was nothing but silence. Darkness.

In the darkness, quickly emerged two bright lights. My heart skipped a moment. It may be a dream but have you ever had a car coming at you? It's terrifying! I couldn't run, my body wouldn't let me. The lights drew closer until-WHAM!

I shot up out of a dead sleep, as my heart pounded in my chest. Looking around my room, I was relieved to be in my apartment. The clock next to me read 2:45AM. I grabbed my phone off my nightstand, in the hopes that maybe answering some texts and emails would calm me down. I went through my emails, only a few important things I could deal with in the morning. Then my texts, which read down like this:

11:03PM
Chris - Did you get home okay?

11:17PM
Ghost - Sorry about tonight, I really am. Just got home. Did you get in okay?

11:19PM
Ryan - Were you okay tonight? We're all worried about you! Are you home?

11:24PM
Chris - I know you're not feeling well but PLEASE answer me. I'm worried about you!

11:40PM
Chris - RICKY?

11:45PM
Missed call from Chris

12:05AM
Missed call from Josh

12:19PM
Jani - Hey Baby, I just got home. Safe and sound.

12:22PM
Jani - I'm going to bed, work in the morn. Meet me for coffee tomorrow? Noon? :) xoxo

12:30AM
Missed call from Chris

1:01AM
Missed call from Chris

1:47AM
Missed call from Chris

2:00AM
Chris - I have to get to bed. Meeting tomorrow for the next tour. Call me ASAP! I'm worried about you! I don't care if you wake me!

I sighed, feeling my chest shake. My mind still wasn't calming down. I couldn't help my think there was something over my shoulder, or behind the crack in door, or in the corner. Every time I looked, it was nothing. I was just really spooked. Maybe talking to Chris would help.

My phone rang, but not for long. He picked up, second ring in. "Ricky! You're alive!" He answered.

"Y-yeah. I'm sorry to freak you out like that. I kind of crashed on my bed as soon as I got home. Did I wake you?" I asked.

"Yeah, but I don't care. I was worried about you. We all were, the guys and I." Chris said.

"You guys shouldn't worry so much. I'm fine."

"Fine doesn't mean fine, Rick. Everybody knows that."

I sighed. "I just... I don't know anymore. Maybe a good tour will help me get away from everything."

"I'll let you know how the meeting goes in the morning. Hopefully we can headline again." He spoke, following it up with a yawn.

"You should go to bed." I told him.

"I guess I should. I'll sleep better, knowing you're alive and all." He chuckled, and I laughed a bit. "Hey, but seriously, are you okay?"

"...I... I keep having these nightmares, Chris. They're keeping me from sleeping. That's why I've been so tired, I don't know why they're coming from." I shouldn't have admitted that!

"See a therapist. Not just for yourself, for us. Pills aren't going to fix everything, and we don't want to lose you to a bottle. You're our brother, Ricky. We love you. I love you."

God, did that feel like an area through the heart!

"I love you guys too. I know, I'm gonna work on it. I'm gonna. Go get some sleep." I said.

"You too." Chris replied. "Goodnight, Ricky."

"Night." I hung up.

I laid back down on my bed, staring at the ceiling. Maybe he's right. I don't know, the man who needs a therapist himself is telling me to get one? I guess only the broken can see the even more broken. He needs help too, even if he won't admit it. Chris has been depressed since his high school sweetheart left him.

Speaking of sweethearts, why didn't Jani get home until after midnight? He left Ryan's at 9:30PM! What did he go off doing? Hopefully he just had to run errands or something. I don't know. I never know anymore. Shit.