Love is a Broken Window | Cricky [C]

41 | Sunshine

| Ricky's POV |

The morning sun broke through my curtains. I groaned, feeling my head pound. Fuck, what did I do last night? Oh... I did Chris. 

Fuck, fuck, fuck! I can't believe I fucked my best friend! My bandmate! I didn't feel this guilty about it when Devin and I had a thing. Maybe it's because we never slept together, or maybe it's because... Well... I didn't care about losing Devin. This is much scarier. I think I did mean it when I said I loved him.

We leave today for tour with New Years Day. We're supposed to all meet at the airport by noon. My head is still pounding, and it's already nine! Damn it! I went into the bathroom and slammed some Advil. My hand reached for my anti-depressants. Than I glanced back into the bedroom, seeing Chris asleep.

He looked so sweet. I ended up absentmindedly smiling from staring at his gorgeous face. Then my hand tightened as I remembered how much he hated me being on meds. Part of me was even willing to flush them down the toilet, but I knew better than that. My meds were expensive and I hate shitty insurance. If I needed them again, I should keep them. 

Without taking the meds I'm supposed to, I slipped the bottle into my makeup case. I took a quick shower to wake me up. When I got out, Chris was still asleep. I better wake him. He's probably already packed, unlike me, but he takes longer to get ready. I fit myself into some skinny jeans and slipped on my skeleton key necklace. 

I leaned over the bed and softly kissed his lips. He groaned, opening his eyes slightly. "Morning." Chris grumbled. 

I smiled. "Morning. It's a quarter after nine. We have to leave here at eleven-thirty to be to the airport by noon. I'm going to go make some coffee and start breakfast, if you want to take a shower while I do that." 

"Um, yeah." He said as he searched for his pants. "I'm going to go shower at my place, but I'll be back for some breakfast. Considering I didn't buy groceries this week since we were going on tour, there's no food at my place." 

"I barely have any here, but I have enough to make breakfast for the both of us." 

Chris pulled on his shirt. He pecked my lips, adding, "Okay, Angel. I'll be back." 

He walked out of the apartment, heading over to his own. As always... Hate to see him leave, but love to watch him go... He was hot as Hell. I had to be careful though. Was this lust or love? It felt right last night, for me to say I loved him. It was so heat of the moment though that I'm scared it wasn't real. I want this to be real. 

I can't psych myself out like this. Especially right before tour! Though we've talked about expanding to two buses to bring our families, we decided to put that thought lower on the list of priories. All our money went into stage design this time. So, Shiloh would be staying home with Bella. It's the first time Devin has been away from them. I'm sure this'll be tough on him. Even Ryan and Balz, who are used to leaving their girls, have gotten used to being home for a few months now. It's going to be difficult for us all to break back into tour life. 

I started up the coffee maker and all. Then I did my eye liner, found a Worndoll shirt to wear, and threw a beanie over my damp hair. Chris returned to my apartment just as I started to search my bare cabinets for some food. 

"Maybe we should grab breakfast at the airport." I said. 

He laughed as he took a drink of coffee. "Yeah, I'd rather have a bite to eat with the guys anyways, so we can address... us." 

I tensed up. "Do you want to tell them so soon? I mean, I'm not sure I know what we are yet. At least, not enough to tell other people what we are." 

Chris frowned. "I understand." 

"I don't want to hurt you, with that, Chris. I know you're anxious to have a knew relationship. I mean, it has been over a year since you were briefly with Shiloh even. Way longer than that since your ex, but I just got out of a five year long relationship. I need to breathe for a while."

"Don't worry, Ricky. I get it. I'd be wanting a break from love too if I had some that was abused for half a decade." 

I weakly smiled. "I should go pack." 

"You still aren't?" He asked. 

"This is me, we're talking about here." I chuckled, walking towards the bedroom.

God, I hope I didn't scare him off saying that. I really do care for him, but I don't want to jump into things. He wants to be off the market bad, I can tell. He's really ready to move on from his asshole ex. I am too, but not this fast. I hope I'm not making a mistake moving things slow.