The Complete Chronological Works

I've Just Been Here Too Long

this is a realization.
it's odd that this is the first time i have come to it
or see it from this angle

i don't want to kill myself
but i don't want to live
i am afraid of dying
but i can no longer live
with the knowledge
that i don't want anything
i don't want an extravagant life
or a boring one
or a normal one
i don't want a family
or friends
i don't want to work
i don't want to take days off
i don't want to eat
i don't want to sleep
i don't want to be awake.

i do t want to keep existing.
there is no world where i grow old
i just can't see it