Redlyn One Shots

I Want to Love You

"I love you." The boy whispered, breaking apart from a kiss with his girlfriend.

"I... wow, that's... a lot to take in..." Ashlyn mumbled.

"Oh." Big Red frowned.

"I don't... know..."

"You don't know?"

"Y- Yeah."

"I'm sorry." He picked at his fingernails. "It's only been a few months, I shouldn't have—"

"No, no, I— I... want to."

"What?"

"I want to love you... I'm just... not sure I do..."

"But... will you?" He whispered,

"I... maybe in a while..." she managed. There was a silence, both teenagers becoming progressively more nervous. "Look-" she managed to make eye contact, tears in her eyes. "-I still want to be with you. But I get if—"

"Is there a reason?"

"I..."

"Do I—"

"It's not on you." She shook her head. "I'm just slower with these things, babe— Biggie, and... I don't want to break up..."

"But if you don't fall in love... and I just fall harder..." his eyes formed tears. "I don't want my heart broken..."

"I don't want to break it. I don't want to hurt you."

"I know... you can't help it if we aren't meant to be..."

"If we aren't, though, you'll move on..."

"Look, I should get going—" he started.

"Don't leave, I— yeah, no, just do whatever feels best." She decided.

"Ashlyn, I— I don't wanna break up..."

"I don't either..."

"But we aren't on the same page, are we?" He asked, barely letting the sentence escape him. He did love her, they had been together about 4 months and he could not imagine loosing her.

"But... maybe we will be..."

"It's not just this, though..."

"What?"

"We want different things, Ash." He said, his voice shaking. "You've got big dreams. I just want to be with the people I love."

"I do too, I just—"

"It's not a problem. You just aren't focused on love as much, you're always running around."

"I can slow down..."

"Are you willing to?" He looked at her, gazing into her eyes. They were hurting now, but he was still in awe.

"I'm... 90% willing to."

"Which means?"

"We're on different pages." She admitted. "I can't give you what you need." She managed, a tear dropping down her face. She still wanted him in her life, she still liked him, but he was right.

"Ash, I can't— I can't let you go." He said quietly.

"I don't want you to. I want to be with you, I really do."

"I don't get the problem, then..."

"I know you do." She held both his hands.

"I love you."

"I wish I could say the same."

"We can stay together. We can, Ashlyn, we'll figure it out—"

"I think we... just did..." she whispered. Tears streamed down his face. She pulled him into a hug, which he tightly returned. "It's okay. I'm so sorry."

"You shouldn't be..."

"No. I'm sorry, because you deserve someone who loves you back. And I don't want to hurt you, and I know I am." She cried.

"And you deserve someone who wants the same things."

"Maybe, but... look... I don't wanna loose you, either." She told him. "We'll still be around our friends, and I don't want that to be awkward."

"I think it will."

"I guess."

"I'm in love with you. Honestly, I can't imagine not dating you. It's gonna be awkward."

"I'm sorry." She said again. "I can't imagine being apart either." She cried.

"But you don't love me?"

"I— I might."

"R- Really?" He looked up, looking her in the eyes.

"But we still— there's still problems. We can't... stay together."

"I should really get going now." He wiped his tears away, which got replaced in a matter of seconds. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be."

"You shouldn't be either, it's... matters of the heart."

"I'm still sorry." She said quietly.

"I am too." He managed a weak laugh, but he knew he would sob the moment he left. They pulled apart, Ashlyn once again holding both his hands. They both leaned in and shared one more quick kiss. There was nothing they felt but hurt, they had no butterflies— but the heart stemmed from love regardless. The butterflies left when the possibilities of their future did too. "Goodbye, Ashlyn Moon."

"Goodbye." She gave each of his hands a tight squeeze before letting go, watching him leave her room. She simply sat there for minutes. She had no idea what to do with herself. Her first boyfriend seemed so amazing, but it had to lead to her first heartbreak. She zoned out, she did not want it to sink in, she wished he could have been there for her.

He always was. No matter how bad she felt, he was always there.

She tried to be. She tried her best, and she did help, but they both knew it would not work out.

She eventually laid down. She stared at the ceiling, wondering where to go from there. She cried, her breathing was shaky, it was clear she hated the separation as much as he did.

Only he did not only hate the separation, it was not something he felt he could get used to. He was in love with her, he had realized a week prior. He had lost her. Even worse, he had to face her day after day, and he could not imagine it getting easier as time went on. He knew it would, but he did not understand how.

He drove home, his hands clutched tightly around his car's steering wheel. When he got inside, his mom greeted him. "Hey honey, did you have a good time?"

"We br—" the words did not escape his mouth. He shook his head.

"You okay?"

"Things ended." He managed, starting his way and downstairs to his room.

"Do you need anything?"

"Just alone time." He mumbled, closing his bedroom door. He jumped onto his bed, wiping his face. After a few minutes of crying, he sat up. He looked around his room.

All he saw was memories.

Every time he rambled about his crush or his girlfriend to Ricky. Planning his Valentine's Day surprise for Ashlyn. The first kiss they shared since they were an official couple. It felt like all he could see was every moment he spent with Ashlyn.

All he could think of was that those moments were gone. There would be no more. She was gone.