Momojirou Oneshots

Momojirou Crack p3 👌

I totally don't have two chapters in progress that I am too lazy to finish so I made this instead to provide content. Noooooo, why would you say that. 

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Momo, walking into their house: Hello, people who do not live here.
Jirou: Hey.
Uraraka: Hi.
Tsu: Hello.
Mina: Hey!
Momo: I gave you the key to my place for emergencies only!
Hagakure: We were out of Doritos.

*Everyone is standing around the broken coffee maker*
Momo: So. Who broke it? I'm not mad, I just wanna know.
Everyone:
Jirou: ...I did. I broke it.
Momo: No. No you didn't. Uraraka?
Uraraka: Don't look at me. Look at Tsu.
Tsu: What?! I didn't break it.
Uraraka: Huh, that's weird. How'd you even know it was broken?
Tsu: Because it's sitting right in front of us and it's broken.
Uraraka: Suspicious.
Tsu: No, it's not!
Mina: If it matters, probably not, but Hagakure was the last one to use it.
Hagakure: Liar! I don't even drink that crap!
Mina: Oh really? Then what were you doing by the coffee cart earlier?
Hagakure: I use the wooden stirrers to push back my cuticles. Everyone knows that, Mina!
Jirou: Okay let's not fight. I broke it. Let me pay for it, Momo.
Momo: No! Who broke it!?
Everyone:
Mina: Momo... Uraraka's been awfully quiet.
Uraraka: rEALLY?!
*Everyone starts arguing*
Momo, being interviewed: I broke it. I burned my hand so I punched it.
Momo: I predict 10 minutes from now they'll be at each other's throats with warpaint on their faces and a pig head on a stick.
Momo:
Momo: Good. It was getting a little chummy around here.

Momo, tending to Jirou's wounds: How would you rate your pain?
Jirou: Zero stars. Would NOT recommend.

Jirou: I can explain.
Momo: Can you?
Jirou: If you give me thirty seconds to think of a lie.

Momo: Violence isn't the answer.
Jirou: You're right.
Momo: *sighs in relief*
Jirou: Violence is the question.
Momo: What?
Jirou, bolting away: And the answer is yes.
Momo, running after her: NO-

Jirou: You're the love of my life and my best friend, I would do anything for you.
Momo: I want you to eat three meals a day and have a decent sleep schedule.
Jirou: Absolutely not.

Momo, at a restaurant: You guys should get the orange soda, it's amazing.
Jirou: Okay
Waiter: Can I get you guys anything to drink?
Momo: Orange soda, please!
Jirou: I'll have the strawberry soda.
Mina: Me too, strawberry soda.
Momo:

Momo: *Trying to fill out legal paperwork stuff* Were you guys born AMAB or AFAB?
Jirou: Bold of you to assume I was born at all.
Uraraka: I personally was created in a lab.
Tsu: I just straight up (frog) spawned lol.

Jirou: There is no future. there is no past. do you see? Time is simultaneous, an intricately structured jewel that humans insist on viewing one edge at a time, when the whole design is visible in every facet.
Momo:
Uraraka:
Tsu:
Everyone Else At Jirou's Surprise Birthday Party:
Momo: All I asked was if you wanted to cut your birthday cake first.

Momo: Can I be frank with you guys?
Jirou: Sure, but I don't see how changing your name is gonna help.
Uraraka: Can I still be Uraraka?
Tsu: Shh, let Frank speak.

Momo: Why is Jirou so sad?
Deku: She took one of those "Which Character Are You?" quizzes
Momo: And...?
Todoroki: She got Mineta.

Momo, Jirou, and Mina are sitting on a red bench
Tsu: Why do you guys look so sad?
Momo: Sit down with us so we can tell you.
*Tsu sits down*
Jirou: The bench is freshly painted.

Momo: Tonight, one of you will betray us.
Jirou: Is it me, Momo?
Momo: No, it's not you.
Uraraka: Is it me, Momo?
Momo: It's not you either.
Mina and Hagakure: Is it us, Momo?
Momo:
Momo, mockingly: Is IT uS Momo?

Momo: Good responses for being stabbed with a knife?
Mina: Rude.
Uraraka: That's fair.
Tsu: Not again.
Jirou: Are you going to want this back?

Momo: We've been conducting an ongoing study to see what Uraraka will and will not eat.
Jirou: Grass? Yes!
Momo: Moss? Yes!!
Jirou: Leaves? Ohh, yes!
Momo: Shoelaces? Strange but true!
Jirou: Worms? Sometimes!
Momo: Rocks? Usually nah.
Jirou: Twigs? Usually!
Momo: Mina's cooking? Inconclusive!
Tsu: How did you... test this?
Momo: You just hand them stuff and say 'eat this' and if they eat it, they eat it.
Tsu: ... I don't know how to feel about this.
Mina: IS THAT WHERE ALL MY SPARE SHOELACES WENT?

Momo: Dumbest scar stories, go!
Jirou: I burned my tongue once drinking tea.
Uraraka: I dropped a hair dryer on my leg once and burned it.
Tsu: I have a piece of graphite in my leg for accidentally stabbing myself with a pencil in the first grade.
Mina: I was taking a cup of noodles out of the microwave and spilled it on my hand and I got a really bad burn.
Hagakure:
Hagakure: I have emotional scars.

Momo: Jirou was banned from the chicken shack, so we had to go out of town to get some.
Jirou: Well, they shouldn't say "all you can eat" if they don't mean it.
Momo: Jirou, you ate a chair.

Momo: Three words. Say them and I'm yours.
Jirou: Three words.
Momo:

Jirou: Oh just so you know, it's very muggy outside
Momo:
Momo: Jirou, I swear, if I step outside and all of our mugs are on the front lawn...
Jirou: *Sips coffee from bowl*