I'm the 8th one || BTS ||

Sometimes I don't wanna be happy

2019

(Not me using Dixie d'amelio's song lyric as title jshdhhajjxjs)

Miya's shoes made scraping sounds with the gravel road as she walked alongside the bank of the still river.

She had taken her leave from the dorm by telling the others "she's going out to take inspiration for the next song" but the real reason was not it.

She wanted to escape. Escape from her harsh reality. Escape from her negative mindset.

The hate was increasing for her day by day. More people were joining in to write harsh comments about her on social media. And if it was not enough to bad mouth her, they now had started dragging her family into this.

She was scared. She was scared for their lives. She was scared something would happen to them in her absence.

She wished she could find a way to keep an eye on their safety but her busy days weren't letting her do so.

Sad piano sounds filled her ears from the earphones plugged in.

Her habit.

Her habit to push herself. Her habit to strain herself. Her habit to hide the real "Michelle" from the world.

Oh how many times she eyed that sharp knife while cutting onions. How many times she stared blankly at the open window. How many times she wanted to end it all.

At once. No pain. Only peace.

She was now desperate to find peace. And she only saw it in one act.

One dangerous act. That would surely bring her peace but might break the ones who love her.

Pathetic. Coward.

That's what she called herself.

Pathetic of me to escape death using other's name. Coward of me to not being able to defend myself, to run away from my problems.

But what could she even do? It was her alone against thousands, maybe millions?

Slut
Whore
Useless
Pathetic
Coward
Ugly
Talentless

Maybe that's what she really was?

Maybe the members denied the accusations out of pity?

Maybe she really was useless and untalented.

"Watch where you are going Blindass." A sudden voice screeched at her as she felt her shoulder bump with someone.

"Sorry." She apologized in a quiet voice

"Wait... Bae Mi from BTS?" The woman's phone dropped from her hand as she stared at the idol.

Miya adjusted her hoodie to cover her face more and speed walked away from the unknown woman.

She didn't wanted to face anyone. Not right now. She is too weak right now. She has to show the cheerful side of her.

Because after all she doesn't want to dissatisfy their expectations as the cheer bomb of the group who was always smiling and laughing.

They didn't know how she really was. And they probably won't understand if she told them.

They probably won't even notice if I disappeared. Afterall I'm an extra of the group. The odd one out. The only girl. It won't make much difference. Moreover, they would actually feel normal being called a 'boy band'. Girls don't have a role in a boy band. They never did and probably never will.