Can't Help Falling in Love

52

The bed was cold.

That was all Meredith could think as she rolled over in the darkness, squeezing her eyes closed when she realized that she was staring at the stars, and Derek wasn't beside her. She listened carefully for a moment, hoping to hear the sound of running water from the bathroom or soft movements from the kitchen, but everything was silent, which meant that Derek was probably fishing in the dark again.

She didn't hate the trailer. If she thought about it, she actually loved the trailer completely. It was quiet and secluded, and she couldn't help but love the fantasy of living with Derek on the cliff they both loved so much. She could definitely loved living in the trailer, but she didn't right now. She couldn't love the trailer, because Derek was using it to hide.

He hadn't spent a single night in their bed since he'd bought the trailer, and she'd gone out there with him in hopes that he would open up to her for the first time in too long. She had been so glad the first time he'd cried on her shoulder, knowing that things were likely to be turning around. But he had barely said a word to her since then, speaking only the bare minimum as he left the trailer for work and returned to the trailer to cook her dinner. He usually held her as she fell asleep, but she always woke alone and cold in the middle of the night, missing his arms around her. Earlier that night, he had made love to her for the first time since his father had died with an intensity that she had rarely seen before. He'd been gentle and tender, but his kisses had been more urgent, his motions determined and insistent. She had fallen asleep in his arms, hoping that their love making would lull him into a peaceful sleep as it had to her. Apparently she'd been completely wrong.

With a sigh, she reached for her jeans and Derek's sweatshirts, dressing quickly before she reached for her cell phone and a flashlight, hating that she had to do this. She hated walking through the woods in the middle of the night to see her fiancé and make sure he was alright.

"Derek," she breathed as her flashlight landed on him sitting on the ground, fishing pole in hand as several beer cans surrounded his cans. "What are you doing?"

"Why aren't you in bed?" Derek asked emotionlessly without turning to look at her.

"I was just about to ask you the same thing," Meredith sighed, reaching for the beer can in his hands and throwing it into the lake.

"I was drinking that," Derek frowned.

"You've had enough," she replied, moving his pole so she could settle into his lap. "Derek, please talk to me."

"I don't know what you want me to say," Derek murmured, leaning into her touch as she ran her fingers through his hair.

"I want you to tell me what you're thinking," Meredith whispered. "I won't judge, Derek, I love you. That doesn't change because you're hurting."

"I'm wondering how a two hundred dollar watch can be worth a human life," Derek whispered, tears filling his eyes. "I'm wondering how I'm supposed to be a husband and a father without my dad supporting me. I'm wondering why I can't be enough for my family, for my boss...for you. I don't know anything anymore, Meredith, and I don't know how to be the same person I was without my dad. I depended on him for everything."

"Derek, you are enough," she whispered. "More than enough. That's the reason I've been so worried about you. Because you've been completely obsessed with taking care of everyone else that you haven't been taking care of yourself."

"I'm scared," he whispered, burying his face in her hair.

Meredith paused for a moment before she stood and pulled him to his feet. "Come on," she said, pulling him back towards the trailer.