| first love
(‘◉⌓◉’)
"i'm so strong..." incoherent sighs, tears, lies, anger, loneliness. youngeun sat alone at a swing in the children's playground, the weak feeling in her body prevents her from doing anything but sob. why was she so hurt in the first place? it didn't make sense, because it hurt a lot— it hurts so much and it's so unfair she was the only who felt it. it was so unfair she was the only one who is allowed to feel the thorns poking her chest, preventing her from breathing properly.
strong girls don't cry.
she thought— in those times she smiled, ran, laughed, danced, sing, made everyone laugh. she felt like she was the strongest person, youngeun thought no pain would be able to make cower her down.
but now she felt like a big child, whimpering under her breath, crying over the course of lies and heartbreak.
why does silent rejection hurt so bad?
there she was standing, carrying the burden of mixed emotions in her heart, yet when she told y/n the feelings she had, none of those emotions even got off her heart, it still feels heavy.
y/n, standing there, looking at youngeun with those lifeless eyes, her lips not opening for a single word, yet when she heard youngeun confess, she gasped in shock, but only gave a minute of silent treatment. why was that? did youngeun did something wrong?
y/n wasn't able to answer, as youngeun rushed away, embarrassed, ashamed, scared, hurt. tears were falling like a faucet left opened in her eyes, she was whimpering as she ran. scared y/n might see her in her weakest state, she ended up in their classroom— packing up her things, silence engulfing her and the only thing she heard was he sobs.
she felt like a sore loser.
thinking of that moment, youngeun felt tears falling from her eyes again, broken sobs fell of her lips, as she lifted her shaking arms to wipe the tears away. "god, why am i crying so bad like this...?" youngeun doesn't want to acknowledge the fact that rejection hurt, like a knife pushed down on her chest.
after wiping her tears, she placed her hands on her thighs, and all of the sudden the quiet place was awakened by the ringing of her phone. youngeun blinked a few times, as she picked up her phone from her bag and opened it to see xiaoting calling.
looking up— it was already dark, she had no idea she's been crying for so long.
but youngeun decided to face the truth and answer the call from the concerned older girl.
"youngeun?! youngeun-chan?!" she was greeted by two different voices from the other line, one from xiaoting and the other one from yurina, they both sound worried; wondering where youngeun went off to. "o-oh hey." she didn't sound happy, nor the normal youngeun that she was, she sounded like a fragile glass that was about to break and shatter into pieces.
from the other line, she hears yurina speaking japanese in a fast pace, almost sounding like she was panicking. "i'm okay—" before youngeun could speak, yurina did. "where were you!?" yurina asked, almost like yelled over the phone, she sounded like she was crying.
youngeun hears xiaoting whispering something to yurina, almost like coaxing, or trying to tell yurina not to panic. "youngeun." xiaoting calls, there was shuffling and silence, before xiaoting continued again. "where did you go to? we were worried." oh, of course they were, everytime youngeun would feel like she was at her lowest, xiaoting and yurina would lift her up.
she would be able to open up what she feels, whenever she was frustrated, tired, mad and sad, they were there to heart everything even the smallest thing.
