All I know - Lando Norris

Chapter 30

I was tired. Tired of everything that had happened in the past few hours. I thought that the pain I felt after dinner couldn't get any worse, but heck. I was so wrong. The pain I felt after my mother had left my flat was so much worse than everything I have ever experienced. After the door fell back into the lock, I wasn't able to move for at least 5 minutes. Tears just fell down my cheeks silently, and I stared at the closed door in front of me. An emptiness was growing where my organs were supposed to be. 

The real sadness, though, hit five minutes after my mother left. It didn't give a warning at first but just came like a strike of lightning. Suddenly and strong. I wasn't able to keep myself on my legs, so I just broke down right there on the spot. Crying and sniffling now filled the flat and was the only thing audible. I didn't know if I was imagining that, but my heart ached. It felt like it was swelling up and was about to burst into a thousand pieces. 

To be honest, I didn't know how but I somehow managed to get myself up from the cold floor and drag myself into my bed. I also didn't know how long I cried on the floor, and I also didn't care. I tried to focus on easing the pain but I failed miserably. After a couple of tries, I just gave up and let the pain take over. Crying and heartbroken, I laid in my bed and thought about the good times I had with both Lucas and my family. Every time, I then remembered that these people betrayed me, and the pain got even worse. 

At some point, a key was pushed into the lock and unlocked the flat door. I sat up straight immediately, alerted and ready to throw my mother out of my flat again. The tears also immediately stopped dropping from my eyes. My entire body was ready to fight again. But I didn't need to, luckily. 

"Tia, where are you?", Fifi's voice shot through the silence in the flat and my muscles relaxed. I let my upper body drop onto the mattress again. Tears started once more to form in my eyes. 

"I'm in my bedroom.", I answered my best friend and she entered seconds after. Her face immediately changed to worried when she saw me. She definitely didn't expect me to find me like this. 

"What happened?", Fifi asked me and sat down next to my legs on the edge of the bed. Her hand gently stroke over my arm and it calmed me down a little. 

"Turns out it was my mother's idea to hire Lucas as my boyfriend.", I explained and wiped away another tear. 

"What?!", Fifi asked back like she didn't hear me. She did, though. She just couldn't believe what she heard. She knew as well as I did how my mother reacted in most situations and that she liked to be in control, but we both didn't expect her to be capable of doing such a thing. 

"Yea.", I agreed. "And guess what. My entire family knew about this. Adrien, Noel, Samuel and Dad. All of them knew. And nobody told me a fucking thing."

"You can't be serious.", Fifi stated. Her eyes were glued to me. 

"Unfortunately I am.", I answered and swallowed. I directed my eyes onto the mattress because I didn't know what else to do. I also didn't have anything to say anymore.

Everything I needed to tell, I told and now I didn't know how to feel. Like shit, obviously, but I didn't want to feel this way. The best way I could have reacted to this would be if I didn't care, just cut all of them out of my life and move on, but I couldn't do that. I loved my family and Lucas too much for it. And I hated myself because of that because I knew if I didn't love them, I wouldn't be in this much pain right now.

"I'm so stupid.", I said quietly after some moment of silence was hovering between Fifi and me.

"You're not stupid. They are the ones who are the stupid ones. Just think about what a great human they just lost." Fifi's try to cheer me up was sweet but didn't really help.