Requested: THIS IS MY LAST REQUEST, AND PROBABLY MY LAST IMAGINE FOR THIS BOOK SO... ALSO THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR OVER 79K VIEWS I LOVE YOU GUYS SM
ALSO THE SONG DOESN'T GO WITH THIS, I WAS JUST LISTENING TO IT WHILE I WROTE THIS...
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Body image had been something that you had struggled with for a while. Whether it was because you felt too skinny or too tall, or too short and too Chubby. You desperately wished you could go back to the time when those things didn't matter.
Where you weren't worried about whether to choose between wearing a tank top and a hoodie one size bigger than you. Back then, size didn't matter. You always felt like there was beauty in everything, and that being chubby wasn't something to be ashamed about.
Beauty came in all shapes and sizes, and you embraced that thought. It just felt different when it was actually you..when you were the one who wasn't as skinny as the other girls. It didn't feel beautiful on you, it felt overbearing.
Why me? That's what you'd ask yourself every night, whether it was by just staring at yourself in the mirror or just laying back in bed letting your intrusive thoughts hit you like a truck.
It felt like a part of you was just taunting yourself, telling you that everyone was against you. That lingering stares weren't because people thought you were pretty, but because of your weight. You just couldn't ignore it, no matter how hard you had tried.
It wasn't like you hadn't tried to lose weight, but to be fair it was a lot easier to gain it. You loved yourself...but that did not include how you looked...not anymore anyway. In a way, these bad thoughts had drew a rift In between your own relationship and you hadn't even noticed. _____________________________
You stood in front of the mirror in your room, almost bare as you pinched at your stomach. Cringing as the skin against your stomach stretched, jumping slightly as you felt a hand land on yours.
Looking into the mirror you're brought back to the realization that Sam is in the room with you. You tried to hide the fact that you had been so caught up with your self image that you hadn't even bothered talking to Sam the whole time she was there.
You knew that it was a stretch for Sam to even be with you, with her internalized homophobia and your lack in confidence. It was hard to build a relationship in the first place, it was shocking that you both were even still together.
It wasn't rare for you to think about how much of a downgrade you were compared to Deena. The infamous Deena that Sam had been so in love with, that she couldn't stop thinking about even when she tried. However, she wasn't with Deena, she was with YOU so that's all that mattered right?
"I think you look great" Sam offered silently as she tugged your hand away from your stomach gently. "You always say that" you sigh defeatedly, feeling Sam's stare through the mirror. "Would you like me to say something else?" She questioned leaning her head against your shoulder.
Your eyebrows creased in deep thought as you lowered your gaze to the ground. "I want you to be honest" you confessed slowly, mentally preparing yourself for her next words. "I am being honest" you looked up seeing her slightly offended stare. "No you're not" you responded almost as if it was obvious.
Sam had abruptly pulled away from you "Jeez! How many times do I have to say your beautiful for you to actually believe me!" She snapped.
"Hmm" you responded, pretending to be in deep thought. "Maybe when I stop looking like this I'll actually start to believe you!" You snapped back.
"Shit Sam. You just wouldn't understand, okay? You don't know what it's like." You turned to face her, your anger slowly becoming self pity. "You're like the stereotypical idea of a pretty girl, and you know what I am?" You asked rhetorically, "I'm the fucking fat girl, I'm the girl that people make fun of, I'm the girl who gets stared at whenever we have fucking burgers at school!" You yelled.
Sam visibly flinched at the tone of your voice, you weren't the type of person to yell. In a way, it was pretty easy for you to control your emotions; even if that meant you were hiding them."Why do you care so much about what those people think?" Sam frowned at you.
"Why don't you hold my hand in public? Why do you lie to your mom about where you're going at night? Face it Sam, you're a fucking hypocrite!"You retorted, and the guilt seemed to settle in when you came to the realization of what you had said.
Unbeknownst to you, Sam seemed to have sinked in place as her eyes widened at your accusing tone. "I-I'm sor-"
"No! You can't just use that against me everytime the focus is on you. You treat me like shit Y/n, and why? Because I try to prove how much I love you?" She laughed dryly, tears starting to blur her vision. "I listen to you rant to me all night, I listen when you come over and rant all day. I reassure you every time, and I comfort you. And all of a sudden I'm the bad guy because I'm scared to come out?"
You plopped onto your bed looking down silently, knowing that she was right. She had been nothing but supportive but the whole time all you did was complain. "I'm sorry" you whispered, and the sound of your now sad voice made a little bit of Sam's anger disintegrate.
She wanted so badly to tell you it was okay, and you'd both work it out like you always did. "Yeah I'm sorry too, sorry for thinking this could actually work." She confessed, wiping at her tears aggressively.
Your head snapped up to stare at Sam, almost unable to process her words. "What?" You questioned, hoping that maybe you had misheard her. The room had gone silent as Sam you both met each other's gazes.
Sam could have easily just made up a lie, and taken back her previous words. She loved you so much, and she didn't want it to be over, but a part of her told her that maybe you both needed space. Even if that space was agonizing for her, "I think we should break up" Sam repeated strongly, giving you a blank stare. If you hadn't noticed the faint stain of tears on her face you would have guessed that she held no emotion at all.
"What? No" you quickly stammered, standing up walking towards her. You suddenly stopped in your tracks at the sight of Sam stepping back. Your expression dropped, as the tears that once were etched onto Sam's face were now on yours.
"I just need space...yeah space" she sounded almost unsure of her own words. If she hadn't been slowly walking backwards until her back came in contact with the door, you would have thought that she wasn't being serious at all.
"But Sam, You can't just- You can't" you voice had gone from strong and firm to quiet and soft. You knew that Sam and you had been fighting a lot recently, but it didn't seem like they were big enough to make you both break up.
She shook her head, mumbling a sorry as she turned to open the door. You had followed after her as she left your room, hoping that she was going to turn around and say that it was only a joke.
It didn't take you long to realize that, that wasn't going to happen anytime soon. Sam had quickly grabbed her jacket opening the door. Before she could make it off the porch you stopped her. "Wait" she turned her head a bit to look at you. You leaned against the door slightly "Can I call you?" You asked hopefully, your tears from before making it hard for you to see her reaction at your words.
"Please don't." She whispered, her voice cracking slightly.
