Write your Way into my Heart

Chapter 11

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"If you feel like everyone doesn't to believe in you, who would be your last resort?" It was an odd question, so odd that i even had to face my friend to see if he's just pulling my leg. Yet, his face displayed a feeling that can i can only perceive as solemn. Staring afar, even though i can sense his uncomfortable state under my concerned gaze. Wind blew past our face, i watched as his hair be swayed by the gusting wind. A smile formed on my lips, he 'must've wanted me to say something specific' i thought to myself, looking back to the scenery before us.

"I think, i'd go to you..." I responded with a big smile, swinging my legs as they hang low in the edge of the roof top we're sitting at. A few moments of silence was the only thing that met my words, until i heard him let out a chortle. A side eyed him. Rather dumbfounded by his response to my answer. "Was it not, what you wanted to hear?" I asked, my body felt tense, slowly becoming conscious about myself. Hundreds of insecure thoughts swirled inside my mind.

"Oh no! i was actually touched by your answer, really..." He reassured me, rubbing his hand on my arms as i felt the tension inside my body slip away. Once he felt that im relaxed, he continued.

"I actually thought your answer was really touching, i never thought you'd see me like that, but let's be honest..." That put a smile on my face. It's the response i wanted to hear from him. To please him with my answer makes my heart jump in joy.

"It's not your true answer, is it?"

I never knew 7 mere words can make me feel like my world stop. I turned to him, his face was back to it's original state. He was frowning, but not the usual ones my parents would give me every time i come home.

They usually frown at the sight of me, i couldn't understand why, but i shan't care less. Thinking about it makes me feel sad.

Instead, his frown gave a sense of concern. A genuine concern. It's a foreign emotion to me, resulting to my clueless look as a response.

"I know you're hiding something....i'm your best friend, you can be yourself..."

I looked down to my lap, a wave of guilt washed over me, he's right. He's my dearest friend, i shouldn't keep anything away from him.

"You can tell me when you're ready, okay? i'll always be by your side, remember that."

I nodded, beyond thankful for the boy beside me, seemingly satisfied with my reply, he ruffled my hair before turning again to the scenery. Letting out a sigh as he slowly let himself be taken away to cloud nine.

"Actually, my real answer is no one."

He stopped and turn to look at me, his face displayed a look of concern and curiousity. A clawing feeling of regret crept up from the back of my mind.

"If no one believes in me, why would i bother to look for someone with the assumption that they believe in me? right?"

"At this point, i think i'm willing to accept the bitter truth, than to delude myself that there's someone who's out there that really believes in me"

A smile formed on my lips, a rather contradicting action to my words, but an action nonetheless.

"But, what about yourself? do you not believe in yourself?"

He asked, his eyes were wide like saucers. It's funny, really. Seeing him all worked up over my simple answer. I shook my head as a prompt reply. His face showed a look begging for an explanation.

And i gladly did. I stood up from the edge of the roof top we're sitting at. Dusting my bum area, before staring back at him.

"No, i don't believe in myself."

An honest, and concise response. I looked up as i gaze upon the red-ish sky above. I held one of my hand up high, seemingly as if i'm grabbing one of the clouds.

"It's pathetic, isn't it? even i, myself, couldn't find any reason to believe in me."

I ended my answer with a smile, as i was about to touch his shoulder, but my vision slowly turned dark. In a panic, i pulled back my hand, scared of what i might touch in the abyssal view i have.

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A little interlude for not being able to update for a few days :).