Living the Dream...Literally

The Interveiw

"Sian. Sian! Are you awake?" I whispered from under the covers. It was two in the morning and I couldn't sleep. I was ridged and overall my muscles remained in a tense state. She didn't answer. I crept out of bed and walked into the kitchen loaded the washer, I always clean when I'm anxious or if I cant sleep. Or in this case both. I pulled out one item, it was my night shirt that Niall wore on Tuesday, I put it to one side; flicked the kettle on and started to run a hot bath. We did have a bath but we hadn't used it yet because no matter how many times I scrubbed it the grime wouldn't go away. I just really needed to calm down so I just dismissed it and ran it anyway. I decided to make myself some warm milk and honey instead because we still had lots of honey left after the face masks and it didn't have caffeine in. I also grabbed one of the painkillers from the Doctor because my arm was aching. I submerged my self in the hot water and instantly I relaxed and a sigh of relief escaping my chapped lips, I lay like that for about ten minutes before shaving again because I was paranoid. Slowly I wrapped my self up, moisturised and slipped into the shirt because it had Niall's smell on it. I got back to bed and cuddled the edge of the sheet before falling into the abyss that was my nightmares.

"But Charlie I love you." He pleaded cupping his hands around my face; tears spilling out of his blue dead eyes. I started to cry. The salty waterfall washed away the old tears that stained my pale cheeks.

"I love you too." The words fell out my mouth.

"Then why are you d-doing this?" He asked through the tears. I started to breath quickly and my heart pounded in irregular beats.

"Because we can't keep doing this." I felt dizzy and tried to control my breathing but with no success.

"Doing what?" Was there no end to his tears.

"Acting as if everything is okay, as if we are making this work. As if I'm not detested round the world, as if you still love me." I can't believe I am saying this. Why am I saying this?

"I do love you."

"I wish I believed you Niall, but I can't keep pretending."

"So this is it then..." He dropped his hands and stared into nothingness before turning around and walking away. I instantly regretted it, I needed him.

"Niall! Niall!" Screamed at him but no sound came out I tried to run towards him but with every second I ran my feet got heavier until I collapsed screaming, shrieking, and shouting. I wanted no I needed him back. A gape opened up in my chest it felt like it was sucking the life out of me. It felt like my heart had imploded leaving a black hole where the organ should be. It felt like my whole world had been ripped away from me. And it was all my fault.

"Charlie! Charlie! Wake up are you okay?" I was pulled from the dark depth of my mind. My hands were drawn to my eyes which were wet. My breath was strange just like my dream. I was still crying hysterically and sweat drenched me. Sian hugged me and rocked me until I calmed down. I realised it was only a dream but I needed to call him, to hear his voice for him to tell me he still loves me. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, dreams are a side effect of the painkillers. Can you pass me my phone please?"

"Sure." She smiled warmly and passed me it.

"I dreamt I broke up with Niall and he left me alone and no matter how much I shouted he wouldn't come back. I'm sorry for getting you up."

"S'okay. I was up already but then I heard screaming and rushed in." I nodded and smiled a 'thank you' smile.

I rung Niall "Hey babe, I just wanted to call to see what time you were picking us up to go to the interview?"

"Uh..." I heard him shout to Zayn. "Twelve thirty."