QUEEN OF HEARTS

7. LETTING GO

🦋MIA🦋

As I settle back on the bed after swallowing two painkillers, the weight of the exhaustion and fatigue settles heavily upon me. The room feels dim and almost suffocating as if it mirrors the heaviness I carry within. A throbbing pain reverberates through my skull, each beat I reminder of the merciless assault on my head. It feels as though an invisible force is relentlessly striking me with a blunt object, amplifying the torment coursing through me. This hangover is way worse than I thought it would be and my ache all over. My body now betrays me, every muscle and every joint aches in dull persistent soreness. Recollections of the previous night flood my mind, each memory etched with vivid clarity. I can still taste the acrid bitterness of tears mingling with the remnants of alcohol upon my lips. The weight of my emotions, previously suppressed, shattered the fragile facade I had carefully constructed. I broke down, stripped bear of pretense, surrendering to the overwhelming despair that had silently consumed me. In the depths of my weariness, I found the courage to admit to myself the truth I have long denied, I'm still hurting. My heart still hurts.

I have to take back control of my life.

Even as I remain lying here on this bed, each breath I now take gives me the hope that this pain will subdue and the weariness will dissipate. I long for the strength to rise above the abyss threatening to consume me. In this moment, as the painkillers slowly take effect, I hold on to the belief that this anguish, too, shall pass. And perhaps in the wake of this storm, I'll find the strength to begin anew and rebuild the fragments of my shattered heart.

"Sleeping beauty is finally awake." Aria's soft voice fills the room, the door creaking open and she steps inside accompanied by Jodan, Tommy and Vin. Their presence brings me a sense of warmth and relief, a shield against the remnants of the darkness that had engulfed me last night. They spent the night here at the apartment with me because they didn't want me to be all alone in the horrible state I was in last night. Their genuine smiles are a beacon of joy to me, reminding me of the beauty that still exists in the world even during the darkest of times.

Tommy sits next to me holding my hand, his eyes full of concern. "Are you okay, what happened last night?"

"Two things, I kind of confronted my past. I admitted to myself that I'm hurting and can't do this to myself anymore." I mutter still holding his hand.

My ex cheating on me wasn't my fault. I did nothing wrong like I always thought. He messed up and it's all on him. I trusted him and he betrayed me. I loved him but all he did was hurt me. I gave him my all and in return what I got was a heartbreak.

I can't continue beating myself up about this and being so hard on myself.

I have to let go and live my life because I deserve better, so much better.

It's so hard to forgive someone who broke your heart and betrayed your trust. It takes a lot of strength and courage to do it.

No matter how hard and painful it is, you have to do it, set yourself free and move on.

"I'll be walking the runway in a fashion show in two days. My agent already called to inform me about it. It's going to be my last fashion show because I'm quitting modelling. It's not what I want and can't do it anymore." I admit and for the first time in years a lot of relief washes over me. The weight of the modelling world which burdened my shoulders, now feels as though it is slowly being lifted away, allowing me to breathe freely once again. Confidence blossoms from within me as I embrace the knowledge that I'm now taking control of my own destiny and bravely stepping away from a world that doesn't resonate with my soul.

"About time!" Tommy shouts, his eyes sparkling with happiness. He lets go of my hand and embraces me in a warm hug. "I've been waiting for you to make this decision for a long time now. You weren't happy with modelling. It's what mum and dad want, not what you want."