QUEEN OF HEARTS

31. I SURRENDER.

LUCAS

As the evening sets in, casting long shadows across the garage, I push aside the greasy toolbox, my faithful companion throughout the day's toil. The air is heavy with the smell of motor oil and the faint scent of gasoline, a familiar and comforting aroma that lingers in this space. My hands, rough and calloused from countless hours of wrenching and tinkering are now covered in a thick layer of grime and grease. I make my way to the sink tucked away in the corner, an oasis of cleanliness amidst the organized chaos of tools and spare parts. The fluorescent lights above flicker for a moment before steadying and casting a pale glow over the sink basin. As I turn on the faucet, the water rushes out with a forceful burst, cutting through the silence of the garage. The stream in icy cold at first, sending an invirogating shiver up my spine but soon warms to a comforting temperature. Cupping my hands beneath the flow, I let the water cascade over my skin, washing away the remnants of my laborious day.

The sound of the water hitting the sink is oddly satisfying and soothing, a rhythmic symphony of cleansing that drowns out the cacophony of thoughts swirling in my mind. I've been repairing cars alone all day until now that it's evening. I wanted my dad to take a break, go out with his friends, relax and have a great time. That's why I'm working all by myself. The other reason is I want to keep my mind away from thinking about Mia. Mia, with her radiant smile and the way her eyes light up when she sees me, has become a source of both comfort and turmoil. I've been avoiding her, like a ship steering clear of treacherous waters. I've been ignoring her calls and text messages. It's not that I don't care for her deeply, it's the opposite, in fact. The weight of my past is too heavy to allow me let her fully into my life and heart. My past and the scars I bear from a long time ago have built a fortress around my heart. I'm always terrified that the people I care for the most will eventually leave me. So I would rather leave before I'm left.

The depths of loss and pain are etched deep into my being, a constant reminder of how fragile happiness can be. I've spent years mending the broken pieces of my soul and painstakingly rebuilding what was shattered. And now, I fear that letting Mia in completely will mean exposing those fragile fragments to the risk of further damage. So now, I work tirelessly in the garage, burying myself beneath the hood of the cars that come my way, using it as a distraction from thinking about her.

Pushing Mia away is the right thing to do. She doesn't have to be burdened with my insecurities, problems, chaotic life and flaws. All I'll do is cause her pain and unnecessary troubles. She deserves someone better than me.

By pushing her away, I'm also in control because now she's already out of my life and won't leave or abandon me.

I deserve to be alone and when I'm alone like this, I can't hurt anyone else but me.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Jakoda's voice pierces through the haze of my thoughts and I swear under my breath as annoyance and frustration surge within me. I lift my gaze meeting his eyes and he pushes me away from the sink, turning off the faucet and breaking my trance like state. I realize with a jolt that I'd let the faucet running, water cascading into the sink and close to overflowing. My mind is a fucking mess, preoccupied and lost in a labyrinth of thoughts, rendering me disconnected from the present moment. It's as though I've been trapped in a whirlwind of internal chaos, unable to escape its relentless pull. Like a jigsaw puzzle missing crucial pieces, my thoughts are disjointed, scattered and difficult to grasp. They're flitting from one fragment to another, leaving me struggling to piece them together into a coherent whole.

Picking the small towel, I wipe my hands, the soft fabric brushing against my fingertips as I sit down. Malin and Tk also enter the garage with shopping bags in hand, placing them on the small wooden table at the centre and taking out takeouts and bottles of water. "We know you've not eaten lunch yet it's evening now. So eat." Tk pushes one of the takeout containers my way.