Just This Much

36: Risk

The dream was more vivid than the last. The surroundings were more detailed, the smell of the dinner in front of her was more intense, the faint sounds of the faraway traffic—masked with an instrumental version of a familiar song—were louder in her ears, and the face of the man in front of her was clearer.

It was Ahn Ki-Ryeong, indeed. And even though she already expected him, she still took a deep calming breath because of the shock. She wasn't surprised it was him, she was surprised how real it felt. She knew it was only a dream, and that makes the situation even more far-fetched.

She's even dreaming about him now?

"Are you okay? You suddenly went silent," he said. Even his voice was exactly the same, no doubt it was him. "Don't you like the food?," he sounded worried this time.

"No, no... everything's perfect! I just still can't believe this is happening." There was a flattered drawl in her voice—far from what she actually feels. She thought there will be confusion, or a stutter even, because she really can't fathom the situation. But there's nothing in her voice but genuine happiness and amazement.

Then she remembered that she is inside a dream and the other Lilac is the real one here, not her.

"Oh... I know! You're not hungry yet? It hasn't been an hour after we last ate, I should've timed it better," Kio shook his head, quite disappointed with that little detail he missed.

"Come on, it's fine, baby. I love this. I love everything about today until this very moment. I've never imagined it's possible for me to be this happy. If only I can stop time and stay here with you for much longer..."

Kio stood up, stepped closer to her and gently pulled her up in his arms. Lilac didn't notice the tears already staining her cheeks. Only when she buried her face on his chest, did she feel the wetness on his shirt.

"You don't need to stop time, I can always rewind it for you. I can do this over and over again, as long as you're happy."

She slightly leaned away to face him and noticed that they're already swaying in the tempo of the mellow music. His hands leisurely holding her waist, while hers are up his nape.

"Thank you for loving me," she silently replied.

He rested his forehead against hers and closed his eyes, making her do the same. "No, it's you. Thank you for taking the risk and choosing me."

"I will always choose you... in every lifetime," she opened her eyes and as her hand slid to his cheek, everything started to blur. "Ki-Ryeong, let's always find our way back to each other, anywhere life may take us."

She woke up with a startled gasp, and as she rubbed her face out of habit, warm tears smeared the tip of her fingers. "Have you really fallen for him, Li?," thoughtful whisper escaped her lips.

  

°.•⏳.°•

    

The dream plagued her mind all day. At times, she'd find herself staring at Kio who's doing pretty much anything to look like he's acting casually around her. But she caught him fidgeting sometimes, or panicking when she's near. It was—for the lack of better word—fucking up her head even more.

That's how she used to act around Asher! That's how she's supposed to act if she really feels something towards Kio! But no, it's the opposite! There is this urge inside her to always be near him, to see him and watch his every move. As if he had all the answers to the questions that have been weighing her mind the past days.

So when Reiko finally called to check up on her, she didn't hesitate to ask;

"What do you feel towards Minhwan, Rei? Was it love? Are you really in love with him?"

It was silent on the other line before there was a soft thud—probably her best friend plopping down her bed. "Why ask me? You should've known that already, right? After all these years of professing your love for Asher?"

"Takata Reiko, will you answer me seriously? I suddenly feel so dumb and clueless these days."

Rei softly chuckled, "poor baby... do you finally realize now how shallow your so-called feelings for Asher are? About time."

"Ouch... that's brutal."

"Well, I've been waiting for the time to say those words to you, but Seom won't let me."

It was her turn to be rendered silent. The past began flooding her mind, was her feelings for Asher really shallow? Was that the reason why the members never took it seriously? Just a mere attraction that was easily swayed by the truth of what really happened with that banana milk? Perhaps, it truly is.

Look at her now, not even a week has passed after finding out that Kio was the one who actually gave it to her, and she's already drowning in confusion. Already almost convinced that she has feelings for Kio.

If it was love, would it be this easy to move on? Perhaps, the love she was used to was not love after all.

"Love, most of the time, is not that exciting," her best friend's voice pulled her out from the trance. "People tend to romanticize even love, isn't that ironic? But it's true. They make it sound so... thrilling and challenging when it's... love. It's supposed to be comfort and safety, and ease... a breath of fresh air, a glass of cool water after a hot day at work. It's supposed to feel like home."

She didn't notice it at first, but when she looked at her reflection on the vanity mirror across the bed, she was actually smiling. "Is that how you feel for Minhwan?"

"I'm not there yet," Reiko confessed. "But that's the type of love I'm aiming for. You're lucky if you feel that way towards someone, and someone feels the same towards you. Can you imagine having someone as your home? You can go anywhere with that person without ever feeling like there's something amiss. You just feel complete."

"Rei."

"Hmm?"

"I'm taking it."

"Taking what?"

Lilac ruefully smiled, "the risk. Just like in my dream, I am going to choose him."

After a few more words and a fun farewell, she is the one to hang up first before running straight to the living room. Unlike yesterday, all the members are here today and are binge-watching a newly-released Korean thriller on Netflix. She remembered Chief Kang advising the guys to accompany Kio during his rest days and never let him feel lonely, so here they are. It looks like they're having fun.

Asher is the one who noticed her first, and to avoid bothering the others, he just gestured at the vacant space beside him. She tilted her head and stared at the guy.

Nothing. She felt nothing, and thought nothing but how ordinary he looked. Yes, he's incredibly good-looking, but there's nothing more.

Then her eyes travelled towards the one seated on the other side of the couch, only to see him already looking back. Sorrow was evident in his big round eyes, probably because he caught her staring at another and not him. And she doesn't want that. She doesn't want to see that look in his eyes anymore. Not now, not ever.

To hell with waiting and worrying over becoming a rebound. She will be. If that's what it takes to experience the truest form of love and be loved in return, she will risk it. To hell with time, she can't always ask for more when there can be a possibility of running out of it.

Let's make that dream of hers come true.

With those thoughts in mind, she smiled, ran towards him, and sat down—not on the vacant seat Asher was pointing at a while ago, but on Kio's lap.

"Wha—"

Finally, she silenced him with a kiss.