Just This Much

31: Bomb

Heavy.

That's how Kio felt as he slowly wakes up from the forced slumber their manager put him in. The effect of the sedative hasn't worn off, weighing him down physically, while the memories of what happened kept a heavy load on his heart.

He knew what he did. He remembered the words he repeatedly uttered like a broken record that he probably became. There was something wrong. He's far from fine. The predicament he's in turned him into this—someone full of anxiety and trauma.

He doesn't want to gaslight himself and invalidate what he's going through, but he also won't accept other people feeling burdened about his situation. It was him who put himself in this position. 

Everything happened so fast. He was just supposed to mourn for losing the love of his life, but found himself in a parallel world where she's still alive. He was supposed to feel happy to be given another chance, but his reality kept on haunting him. The nightmares, the reminders, the inconspicuous similarities and the vast differences—they're all pulling him back to his original world.

They're all too much for one person to bear.

The hallucination with the headlines is his last straw. It was like a horrible dream coming to life, a déjà vu he never wants to repeat ever again. Experiencing the familiar scene of seeing his name on a dating scandal with his members surrounding him, triggered his fear.

It prompted such painful memories.

"Awake?"

His eyes fluttered open. Blurry at first, but as he blinked the sleepiness away, Hei-won's figure greeted him. Behind him stood his girlfriend, quite surprisingly. He's still not used to the older guy having a girlfriend, and not to mention, she was even a co-idol. 

It's only the three of them inside the room, but he can hear the faraway sound of the television coming from the living room. He's pretty sure it's already quite late—probably midnight.

"How do you feel?," Hei asked, handing him a glass of water.

He didn't realize how thirsty he was until he saw the drink. He reached out for it and emptied the glass. Even with his tight grasp, the older guy still attentively held the bottom of it, just in case his hand suddenly weakens.

"I feel alright," his voice came out a bit hoarse. He feels the dull ache in his throat, perhaps from crying and yelling too much earlier. "Where are the others?"

"Lilac was here."

Kio's eyes widened. He is aware of how much he was begging for her earlier, pleading for the members to call her, and scared out of his wits for the girl's safety. It felt both embarrassing and concerning. He had no idea what will happen now. Does he need to reveal everything to them? Why can't he do something right for once? He keeps ruining all his plans and it's driving him fucking crazy—literally!

"Chief talked to her, we don't know what it is about. They talked for almost an hour before Chief announced he'll accompany Lilac to Cres. We're pretty sure the old man met up with her boss regarding the scandal. Manager Chen left with Yohan, they didn't say anything but I guess Chief ordered them to do something. The rest are outside."

"What time is it?"

Aera was the one to respond, "12:27, midnight."

His eyes travelled towards her. She had a sympathetic expression, but there was something bothersome about her eyes like... like she understands. There was no judgement or some sort of confusion, it was pure empathy. And it shook him to the core.

"You're here," he said to the girl, expecting an explanation. She is a complete stranger to him, even in the other world. He doesn't know if this world's Kio was somehow close to her, but he had no memory of ever interacting with Aera in his. It honestly feels like having an intruder see him in such a vulnerable condition, and he doesn't like it.