Just This Much

09: None

Empty.

That was what he turned into—an empty shell. He learned to surrender to the words people around him say, not bothering to explain himself anymore, to complain or to say otherwise. He became less of a burden this way.

Because of his mistake, their two-month hiatus was moved two weeks earlier. There were endorsements that are postponed and event attendances that are cancelled. He doesn't want to cause more inconvenience to the other members and the management so he isolated himself. He learned to just deal with everything selflessly.

No, he's not asking for anyone's sympathy by doing this, he's just... behaving. And no, this is not his punishment, this is just how it's supposed to be. Just like when he said those words to her that day;

Please don't do this. Don't guilt-trip me.

It was supposed to be said. Lilac is supposed to hate him after hearing it. She was supposed to stop trying to fix their relationship by then. It served its purpose.

But it wasn't enough, for he wasn't able to tell her the whole truth. A coward, he was too, and he is being punished for being one right this second. As Soonho's fist forcefully collided against his cheek and jaw repeatedly, he did nothing.

He felt none.

"I asked you one thing! One fucking thing! To make sure she's always happy, and what did you do? You son of a bitch!" A fifth punch was about to come his way but Enzo and Minhwan already pulled their furious friend away. "You cheated?! You had the nerve to cheat on Li? Do you know how fucking ridiculous that sounds!?"

Anger reflected on Soonho's eyes as his voice thundered inside the dimly-lit room. Kio didn't bother fighting back; he deserves this. He deserves worse.

Blood slid down his chin from his busted lip, and tears also started to stain his swollen cheek. But then, he became accustomed to the pain because it felt... just how it's supposed to be. It was too unbearable so he didn't bother bearing it. He just embraced it.

"You knew I love her," his friend choked out, still hovering over him, incapable of stopping his tears as well. "She chose you. You had her. You had everything I wished to have. And yet, you hurt the girl I've always dreamed of." Soonho then reached out for his shirt once more, tightly gripping it until they are looking straight into each other's eyes.

One pair ablazed with anger and another void of any emotion that it was too painful to look at. Soonho was too clouded with rage yet instead of him, the others can't help but focus at the sight of their bruised and bleeding friend. The person they are seeing right now is not Ki-Ryeong anymore.

"Whose fault was it then?," the former muttered. "Was it mine for not being good enough to be chosen? Was it Lilac's for choosing you? Or was it yours for ending up being the wrong choice?"

"Soonho, let's go," Gun coldly said.

Kio was pushed down his gaming chair and without turning back, his friends left.

"What happened to you, bro?" He heard Minhwan whisper before following the others.

"I don't know," he mouthed to himself once he was alone again. Like nothing happened, he rolled his seat around, turned his monitor back on, and continued editing the videos he took of the love of his life when he still had her.

Afternoon the same day, his manager picked him up saying the chief wants to talk to him alone. This will be the first time he will meet the CEO after the incident, without the other members. Weirdly enough, he doesn't feel nervous at all. Whatever the man is going to say and order him to do, he will obey without any hesitation.

He knew the first thing his boss noticed the moment he entered the office was his bruised face and busted lip. The famous producer released an audible exhale, and pointed at the couch in the seating area, adjacent his desk. He took a seat on the said three-seater couch while the middle-aged man, surprisingly, sat beside him.

Chief Kang reached out for the pitcher atop the center table and poured water in its two matching glasses. He then slid one towards Kio and the other for himself.

"I've already assigned a team to handle everything. They visited the tattoo shop, and talked with the owner and the... girl. Your manager also suggested you take a drug test, and I agreed."

Kio looked up with wide eyes, "I- I didn't..."

"I know. We just can't eliminate the possibility that these people could've drugged you without your knowledge. We have to make sure. I also suggest you take a full-body checkup," Kang Namhyuk cleared his throat. "I know you said you two didn't have sex but still, you had intimate contact with her. With the woman's age and background, it is certain she had been with past lovers and there can be some infectious—"

"I understand, I will do it," Kio swallowed hard, reaching for his glass and drinking half of the water.

"I am a father figure to you first, before being your boss. I will be lying if I say that what you've done didn't disappoint me," the CEO started in his usual calm voice. "But I let your brothers and friends handle you first, because this matter... is much more personal. Soon, you also have to inform your parents."

He stayed silent, his eyes trained at the glass he just put back down the table.

"I let you enter this relationship because I believed you can already manage such commitment, and it can help you grow as a person, too. Lilac is a great girl, hardworking like you, and just... very lovely. I was worried you didn't enjoy your youth enough. Maybe by being with her, you can experience the things you weren't able to."

The man paused and adjusted his specs, "the current situation reminded me that you really are still young and with your age, mistakes are naturally made. It's just that this kind of mistake, I can't blame it all on your age because you should've known the concept of loyalty by now."

"I'm sorry," his voice shook.

His boss held his shoulder and gave it a reassuring squeeze. "There are only two kinds of cheaters, Ki-Ryeong. Those who get worse and those who get better. We are mad at you now because you let yourself turn into someone so low, and you hurt someone who you're supposed to love and respect. But I hope that everything will end here, because you'll get better and you won't do this again."

He nodded, finally looking up the man he already considered as his second father. "Will I ever be forgiven, Chief?"

"Well, you only caused me mild headache and disappointment so if you're asking me, I can forgive you," the CEO carefully replied. "But I'm not the one you badly hurt and I can't answer for them—for her. Still, even some criminals were able to redeem themselves. Giving a second chance to someone is not a sin, it's something everyone should learn. You know why a number of people don't change?"

"Why?"

"Because there was no one who took the chance to stay and believe in them."

Kio hurriedly looked down his lap to hide his tears.

"The others will come around, they know you need them. Like me, they're just letting the anger and disappointment pass. They still believe in you, kid. Now if you end up wasting this chance and doing it again, that's when we have to consider if you're still worth the shot or not."

"I promise, I'll get better. I won't do it again."

He swore those words are genuine. He never wanted to go through something like this again. He never wanted to hurt someone so precious again. Lilac, of all people, doesn't deserve such betrayal and pain. But he already caused her too much of it, all he can do now is to disappear from her life and fix himself first.

"Maybe once you have redeemed yourself, she'll also be able to see that you deserve another chance and you two can try it again—for the second time around."

He doesn't want to hope too much, but he can't help it. It feels like wishing for a second chance with Lilac was something forbidden, but it became the only thing he can hold onto. If in the end he showed up in front of her again, only to find out that he's too late, he'll accept it.

It will be his turn loving her from afar. It will be his price to pay for taking her love for granted.