Chaos Magic (Stiles Stilinski)

Survivors Guilt

Aftermath: The consequences or aftereffects of a significant or unpleasant event. 

My significant unpleasant event...well, I could name a few. It could be almost dying, turning into a literal celestial superhero that can shoot chaotic energy from her hands, losing some of my memory, causing pain to my friends, and being kidnapped. Then there's the almost dying again.

So, what were my consequences? Sleeping right now was fine because Stiles spent the night with me all summer; he wouldn't let me leave his side. Food wasn't a problem. Stiles, Scott, and I had dinner together every night we could, but when we didn't, Stiles always made sure I ate something. 

Now, my mental health...was okay right now because I hadn't been left alone. 

I'd say my most significant consequence was Addie.

Survivors Guilt: A condition of persistent mental and emotional stress experienced by someone who has survived an incident where others died.

Now, I know what you're thinking. No, I didn't feel sorry that Tate, Alma, and Joey died. Not in the least, they could rot in the depths of Satan's asshole for all I cared.

I'd heard of people having survivor's guilt before, you know, from fighting in war or being in a terrible accident with their family. But never in my life would I think it would be like this, or maybe something just got so screwed up in my head from Tate, but I didn't think I was supposed to be seeing Addie wherever I went.

It started last week or so. I remembered having a dream about her. Addie and I were back in the lab; we got free and ran through the woods, trying to escape. I got away every time; no matter how hard I tried, I could never save Addie. Later that night, when Stiles went to pick up food, I saw Addie standing at the bottom of the stairs. She didn't look dead or sick; she looked fine. Addie looked like a healthy, happy teenager. The creepiest thing was that Addie never said anything; she was like a shadow.

At first, Addie would only show up if I was alone, which was rare. But now, she'd gotten braver and daringer and appeared whenever she wanted. She caught me off-guard every time; Stiles always noticed and asked what was wrong, and I told him the same thing every time, "Just a pinch of pain."

I know it wasn't Addie because I got her killed. That was what Tate told me, at least, and I couldn't think of another reason why she would've died. I killed her. That's why my subconscious was haunting me with her. But, thankfully, tonight, as I stood next to Stiles in this tattoo parlor, she hadn't shown up. Yet.

I pulled myself back to the present as I watched the tattoo artist skim over the paper Scott had handed him. "It's a Good thing you drew me a picture." I glanced at the paper to see two black lines, one slightly thicker than the other.

Scott flashed the man a nervous smile as I heard Stiles laugh to himself. I looked at him to see that he'd been skimming through a book of sample tattoos. "Sure, you don't want something like this?" He showed it to Scott. It was a lizard with yellow eyes.

I pulled my bottom lip between my teeth to suppress my laugh as Scott glared at Stiles. "Too soon?"

I grabbed the book from his hands, "Too soon," I muttered before setting it back on the counter. 

"I don't know, dude," Stiles tried to warn Scott for the tenth time tonight. "These things are pretty permanent."

Scott shook his head, "I'm not changing my mind."

I glanced back at the paper, "I still don't get the two bands."

"I just like it," Scott shrugged.

"Wouldn't it be better if your first tattoo had some meaning?" Stiles asked.