Adriano Calvetti
I stare at the ceiling, my mind overflowing with thoughts and pure confusion. I was so focused on the plain color, so distracted by my head that I didn't even notice that the sun went down hours ago. Time is rushing past me but all I can do is stare and stare.
Two days.
Two days since I yelled at her.
Two days since she told me she is not my wife, and I didn't correct her.
And I know it was the right thing. She needs to keep her distance; she needs to stay away from my mind.
I can't feel for her.
But if I know it's right, why does it feel so incredibly wrong?
Why does my heart ache, like someone is holding it so tightly, barely any blood can rush through it anymore?
Like my oxygen would run out.
Don't be so fucking weak you little shit. Love makes you dumb and dumb people get distracted. You are a ruler; a ruler can't get distracted. Rulers don't fall in love.
Alessandro's words echo in my head.
He threw those at me while hitting me with the whip over and over again, cutting the flesh of my back, punishing me for speaking up when he wanted her to force her to take the test to prove her innocence.
Shut up.
Shut up.
Shut up.
You are the fucking weak one here. A man drowning in fear. Fear of getting rejected. Fear of loving. Fear of getting loved. Fear of being vulnerable.
You are the weak little shit.
Stop controlling me.
I took over the Mafia. I am standing above you and one day I am going to be the one who takes your pathetic life.
You are not a father.
Just a man who is so cruel, he should have never been allowed to walk on this earth.
It's one thing to hate most people, to despite the human species but it is another when you are not able to love anyone... not even yourself.
When you could beat your children to death without a second thought or sell slaves while knowing what horrible things will happen to them.
I hate people. The small ones. The big ones. Just a few exceptions that don't allow me to put an "all" in this sentence but I am damn near close, but Alessandro Calvetti doesn't just hate people.
Hate is ok.
It's a part of our nature as well as fear and love but he?
He doesn't hate.
He just destroys and every day my brain tells me to turn into him while my heart fights against this.
He has to stop controlling me.
This has to stop.
I can't turn into him.
But it would be so much easier to pretend I don't give a damn about anybody.
And it would be right.
I would be what I was born to be.
And why should I even fight against it when the only person that believed in me gave up on me?
Betrayed me.
Why should I go the hard way for someone who left me?
Fuck, I need a drink.
YOU ARE READING
Dressed To Kill
Romance"It's funny that you are saying this because if one of us is jealous, then it's you. Or did you forget that you just pushed the man I was dancing with away from me and dragged me out of the club? Where is he anyway and where the hell are Vivian and...
