Dressed To Kill

Chapter 56- Infinity

hello my lovelies,

I hope you had a great day today and if not, I promise you there will be better times.

Have fun reading and always remember that you are amazing and enough.

I love you, bye.

Listen to sad music!

Darius Martinelli

3 hours ago

Smoke.

Smoke.

Smoke.

My lungs are filled with it, my entire body fighting against the intrusion.

Smoke.

Fire.

It's so fucking hot.

The heat surrounding me is killing me... and not slowly.

Most of the people in this world get born and then expect to die 80 years later in a retirement home. Not me.

Not people who wake up expecting to die today.

Every day of my fucking life I woke up thinking... expecting... hoping that this would be my last. I went to sleep thinking this will be my last night.

It was like a tradition... those thoughts were controlling me.

My worst mistake?

One day I started to ignore this part of me, and this was way too long ago.

I pretended I am normal. I pretended I am gonna get old with the love of my life. I pretended I am gonna play with my children and say embarrassing stuff when my kid's friends are around.

I didn't think about ending up in a river, concrete on my feet, or tortured to death in a cellar, my enemies laughing into my face.

Instead, my head was full of pictures of my beautiful girl and my son who means more to me than anything else in the world. I thought about how I could make them happy... I thought about the things I could do to at least deserve them a bit.

Because I don't deserve them... not even close.

But I tried.

God, how much I tried to give them the world.

I wanted them to have everything.

I wanted Christiano to grow up with the best aunts and uncles he could wish for and everything he fucking needs. I wanted him to find the kind of love that changes everything.

I prayed for him to find someone who lights up his world. Somone he wants to hold in his arm forever, someone like I have found.

He should realize how beautiful life can be. I wanted him to play with me in the garden even though he feels too old and cool for it. Even though he thinks it's ridiculous. I wanted him to look at me and not see me as his family because of blood.

I wanted him to choose me as his family because I make him feel safe.

I wanted him to choose me as his family because he saw how much I am trying to be good.

Oh God, I tried so hard.

I wanted Vivian to show the world so the most beautiful places on this planet could see her and be jealous that they are not even close to the beauty she holds.

Not.

Even.

Fucking.

Close.