The Heart of Camilo (A Camilo Madrigal x Reader Fem Y/N Story)

Grounding

TW: references to prior self-harm of a secondary character, NO actual descriptions of it happening

*Camilo*

The morning after what happened, I didn't move from bed. I had changed the room to just be a room, with just a large bed in the center, similar to the one I had changed it to last time Bruno was here. I didn't want to see the river, didn't want to be reminded of anything. Something new had replaced the familiar anxiety and fear that always seemed to be just below the surface for me - crushing, unrelenting numbness, like there was a thousand pounds on my chest, like I couldn't possibly move or eat or do a thing because I was so heavy. And so I lay there as the hours passed. I couldn't close my eyes because whenever I did, I saw Y/N's face again after I had thrown the mug, so I stared, unseeing, at the wall, lying on my side. It must have been 2:00 or 3:00 in the afternoon before my mother finally poked her head in the room.

"Milo, we understand you are upset and wanted to give you some space, but please, you need to eat something," she said, sitting on the bed next to me, running her hands over my hair. I didn't say anything, didn't turn to her. I couldn't.

"I miss the river," she said gently. "Why don't you change it back?" There was a note of desperation in her voice that she was working hard to mask. I still couldn't bring myself to say anything or move. She looked at me hopelessly, and then stood up as if she was about to leave, but then seemed to change her mind and sat back down on the bed, surprising me by laying down beside me so that we were face-to-face, forcing me to look at her. I didn't move, allowing myself to focus on her face.

"I see you, Milo, you, not just the people you shift into to help us," she whispered, tears slowly starting to fall. "You know that right?" She reached out to put her hand on my cheek and I closed my eyes and winced at her touch before looking at her again. "Please, come with me, come down and have some food. Everyone is just having dinner."

It was later than I thought, but I still couldn't even think about eating. I just shook my head, rolling over onto my other side so that I was facing away from her. She didn't leave like I expected, just shifted closer to me and put her hand on my shoulder. I don't know how long we laid there, but eventually the door opened and closed again. 

"Alright, Camilo, come on, let's get up," my father said, sitting down on the opposite side of me than my mother.

"It's fine, Felix, he needs some time," my mother said, sitting up, running her hands over my hair protectively. "Let me go bring up some food for him."

"It's not fine, it's been almost 24 hours he's been up here, and if he wants food, he'll need to come downstairs," my father said. "I said we were going to help you, we gave you some space, it's time to get up now and talk about the plan going forward."

A beat of anger pulsed under the weight of the block of numbness on my chest. I closed my eyes. I'd rather take not feeling anything. I didn't want to be mad, I didn't want to talk, I didn't want to make a plan, I didn't want to hear about Y/N, I just wanted to be alone. I put my hands over my face and didn't answer him.

"I said sit up, we're going to talk now," he said. His tone wasn't harsh, but it was clear he wasn't taking no for an answer.

I turned slightly onto my back, looking up at him. "Please, papa, I can't..." I managed, shocked at how quickly I felt like I wanted to cry at having spoken out loud, wishing I could just stop, stay quiet, stay still, not do anything.

"You can and you will," he said gently. "Sit up."

I did as he said, pulling myself up, feeling the anger returning, the panic returning, just at the change of position, knowing what was coming. "I don't want to talk about Y/N," I said.