Pedro Pascal Character Imagines

I Almost Do (Javier Pena)

Summary: Aubry thinks about Javier every minute of every day.

A/N - Inspired by "I Almost Do (Taylor's Version)".

Javier was the first thought Aubry had in the morning and the last thought she had before she went to bed.

Javier was on Aubry's mind every minute of every day. She kept up with the news coming out of Colombia and it hurt her to know that Javier was in the thick of it. Her caring and sweet Javier.

It took everything in her to not call him. Whenever something good happened to her or if something bad happened at work, she wanted to tell him. But she didn't. She couldn't. Even though Chucho had given her Javier's number when he got settled in Colombia.

Javier probably thought she had moved on or hated him. He had called a few times, but she couldn't bring herself to answer the phone. Talking to him would only make things worse. Their last encounter had been less than pleasant.

She knew Javier had applied to the DEA, but she never imagined in a million years that he would actually take the job offer. Staying in Laredo was too painful for Javier after finding out Lorraine had faked a pregnancy to get him to ask her to marry him.

Aubry stupidly thought Javier had come to his senses and was coming to profess his love for her and instead he had dropped the bomb that he was leaving for Colombia in the morning.

The fight had been brutal and he stormed out of her house.

She didn't even see him off at the airport. She almost did though. She was going to tell him she loved him and get on the plane with him, but didn't.

She waited for him to call and apologize, but when he didn't, Aubry gave up. Chucho told her she was acting like a child waiting for Javier to be the first one to apologize.

They were both being stupid. But once she had calmed down, it was too late to call him without looking like a fool, so she didn't. Their relationship was practically ruined at this point, so there was no point in trying to fix it.

The Javier Aubry knew didn't walk away from things. He would be down in Colombia until they caught Escobar or he ended up dead, although Aubry couldn't imagine a world without Javier in it.

She couldn't count how many times she'd dreamt of Javier showing up on her doorstep, professing his love for her like she expected all those years ago. He would gently touch her face and ask her to marry him. And every time she woke up, she was thankful it was just a dream because she didn't know what her answer would be. She wanted to say yes desperately, but she knew things would end exactly like they did before.

So instead, Aubry kept Javier locked away in her mind.

Javier was where he spent most of his nights. In front of the large floor to ceiling windows in his apartment overlooking Bogotá, smoking a cigarette.

It'd been a long day at work today, but thankfully it was the weekend. If he was lucky, they wouldn't call him in at all.

As he stared out the window, his thoughts drifted to her.

Aubry.

Javier regretted the way things ended between them. He pressed a palm to his forehead as he willed the tears to stop.

Javier would never tell anyone, but he was incredibly lonely.

Aubry had been by his side through the good times and the bad. Through high school breakups and moving off to college, his mother's death, his first law enforcement job. But she wasn't here now and that was his own damn fault.

He should have told her he loved her that night instead yelling at her and storming out. He should have begged her to run away with him. Say "fuck the DEA and marry me". But it was too late for that now.

He lit up another cigarette and poured himself a glass of whiskey. Memories swirled around in his mind the more whiskey he drank.

Javier looked at the phone and against his better judgment, dialed her number. He knew she wouldn't pick up. Sure enough, he got her answering machine but it was so good to hear her voice.

When the machine beeped, he cleared his throat and said, "Hey Aubs, it's Javi..."