Pedro Pascal Character Imagines

Play This When I'm Gone (Javier Pena)

Summary: Javier leaves tapes for his girlfriend Natalie.

A/N - Title inspired by "Play This When I'm Gone" by Machine Gun Kelly.

Steve dropped the box off, but Natalie couldn't bring herself to open it. It still hurt too much.

But one night when she couldn't sleep, she found herself opening it.

Was this all Javier boiled down to? One box?

On top of the pile sat a framed picture of her and Javier. He had his arm thrown around her shoulders and she was laughing. Javier was smiling too, the dimple in his cheek popping out.

Back when they were so naïve. Coming to Colombia thinking they were gonna save the country from the Narcos.

Underneath it was Javier's leather jacket, along with his badge. Natalie slipped the leather jacket over her shoulders, turning her head to smell the collar. It still smelled like the cologne she bought him for Christmas one year.

The badge was cold in her hands and she wondered why the Embassy didn't want it back. She couldn't count the number of times she had run her fingers over it when it was clipped to his belt. A badge that held so much power, but at the same time meant nothing. It didn't matter what the DEA did, they would never be respected here.

Natalie pulled Javier's red flannel out of the box next. She'd spent many a night sleeping in this shirt. It was soft from years of washing. Natalie used to tease Javier that he looked like a proper cowboy when he wore it, while Javier just argued that he looked like a lumberjack.

A few odds and ends were scattered at the bottom of the box, along with a tape player that said, "Play me."

Natalie pressed play and heard Javier's voice. "Hey Natalie. I...uh...I'm not very good with words so you'll have to excuse me. I'm not one for journaling, so this is the next best thing."

There were several tapes in the box, each labeled with a date. Chronicling their relationship. Their first date, their first kiss, the first time they slept together. It was fascinating to see their relationship from Javier's point-of-view. Javier wasn't one to share his feelings, unless they were anger or passion.

The last tape wasn't labeled.

Javier cleared his throat. "This will be the last message I leave you. I just want you to know that I love you. I know I never told you, but I'd like to think you knew. You were the best part of me, I hope you know that. My time is getting shorter, I know that. God, you're so beautiful. Remember when we visited the ocean? Well, I may have snapped a picture of you tilting your head back, enjoying the feeling of the sun on your face. I want your face to be the last thing I see. One last happy memory. I have so many regrets. The times I came to your apartment shit-faced. Eyes so heavy that I couldn't keep them open even though I wanted to. I'm sorry. I'm not gonna lie to you. It's gonna hurt and you're gonna cry. I won't be there to hold you when you cry and tell you everything will be alright. I should have been more careful. Maybe then I wouldn't be leaving you alone. You'll have Steve and Connie and Pops, but you and I both know it won't be the same. Cariño, I want you to be happy. I want you to go to all those places you talked about visiting. It hurts to know I won't be by your side when you do, but I hope you enjoy it anyway. You deserve the entire world, even though this world is cruel to gentle souls like yours. You made me want to be a better man. I'm sorry I couldn't give you the happy ending you deserved. I don't know if I believe in Heaven, but I hope that when it's your time, I'll be there to greet you. I'll miss you, cariño. See you on the other side."

The tape ran out and stopped.

Tears gathered in Natalie's eyes.

The last thing in the box made her heart stop. It was a small velvet box. A ring box.

She opened it and her eyes widened when she saw the diamond ring.

Javier was going to ask her to marry him. She could have been Mrs. Natalie Peña. Natalie knew marriage was a touchy subject for Javier thanks to Lorraine, so she never imagined that he would want to get married.

Natalie would have to go to Javier's apartment and sort out his stuff, deciding what to keep and what to send back to Chucho. But for now, she put the first cassette in the tape player and pressed play.