Desire - Merddison

Chapter Thirteen

Meredith's POV

Maybe it could be an easy way out of this heartbreak I can't stop feeling. Out of this confusion. But I now feel terrified. Terrified my life was going to end when there's so many things I want to say, things I want to do, that I may not get the chance to do any of those things.

We had carefully and slowly transported the patient into another OR whilst I still had my hand in his chest holding the bomb, meaning it was coming to the point where I would have to lift the bomb out of the body unbelievably gently, and pass it to the leader of the bomb squad, Dylan.

"We're ready to go when you are." Dr Burke says to Dylan.

"We're good Meredith?" Dylan asks me.

I can tell that I have a scared face on right now, because I am scared, I'm shitting myself.

"Yeah..." I say shakily.

"I'm going to extennd the wound. When I cut the bleeding is going to intensify. If we're going to save Mr Carlson you have to pull the ammo out immediately." Dr Burke says to me.

"But remember, remove it while keeping it level as possible.." Dylan says to me whilst I just nod, "Nice and easy. No quick movements. Level.

"Right.. level."

Dr Burke asks me if I'm ready and my eyes begin to water, tears threatening to spill completely down my face.

"I.. uh... Do I have a choice?" I ask, trying to control my breathing and stop myself from shaking. My heart felt as if it could break out of my chest at any moment.

"You have to be ready." He says back to me.

"Yeah I guess."

"Scalpel." Burke says, before being handed a 10 blade to make the incision wider.

"I guess I'm ready." I say quietly as Dr Burke cuts into the patient.

***

We're ready to take the bomb out. As if my heart wasn't already pounding, it was beating even faster, so fast that I needed to rip it out of me. My life quite literally flashing before my eyes. It sounds cliche, as if it's something that everyone just says, but it really does happen.

"Meredith." Dylan says to me to get my attention.

I pull down my scrub mask, needing to say what I needed to say.

"George and Izzie shouldn't have to move out of the house." I say quickly.

"No. You hear me." Dylan says back to me, knowing what I mean. Knowing that I'm saying this because if I die, the house is in my name, and they would have nowhere.

"You should make sure. Make sure that they, that they get to stay in the house." I say again.

***

"I can't! No. I can't. This is crazy. Burke, you're gonna go. You go. Both of you should go." I say to Burke and Dylan.

"Nobody's dying today, Grey." Burke says to me.

"Meredith I want you to look at me." Dylan says, but I'm looking at Burke, "Look at me," he says once again and I turn my gaze to him where he is now standing directly in front of me. "I know this is bad. And I know that I'm this ass who's been yelling at you all day. So you pretend that I'm not. You pretend that I'm someone you like. Whatever you need. But you have to listen to me." he tells me.

Part of me thought I would end up thinking about Derek. But I didn't. I look down to the floor, and look back up again, pretending it's someone else in fron of me. Not Dylan, not Derek.