Pan's Redemption

Chapter 24 ~Control*

"Breathe in and out. Push and pull." Pan's voice spoke to her behind her closed eyes. She was supposed to be concentrating. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't. Her thoughts went back to the night before. How victory felt amazing. She convinced Peter Pan. Of all people in the realm who have tried to, only she succeeded. Why her?

She was standing in the heart of the Dark Jungle. She had been here once before, when Wendy had been running for her life in a game of hide and seek. When the grey wolf with red eyes and nasty fangs lured her to Lost Boys. To Felix. She remembered how deep her hatred for him was. It was ugly and dark as night. Now, all she wanted was forgiveness from him. For him to see her as a friend. Maybe not even that. Maybe just a little less hatred for her would do it.

The jungle was almost completely dark. A few gapes in the trees provided enough light to see what her feet were stepping onto. Apparently the point was to be blind.

"Do what you did a month ago. Make fire." Pan explained easily. She knew with a flick of his wrist he could make fire as easily as breathing. She knew that she had to do it. The problem was again, the guilt. Every time Wendy closed her eyes she saw the camp on fire. She remembered the incredible view of the burning trees behind the cage that held her. She never wanted to remember that day again for the rest of her life.

"But Pan, I don't know if I can do it again. Last time I was-"

"Mad? Angry? Hopeless?" Wendy sighed in frustration. His voice was thick with impatience. He probably thought she was spineless.

"Yes, I was." She said sharply.

"So get mad. That's all you have to do. All you need to do. It shouldn't be so hard, right? Don't you miss little John and Michael?" Wendy blanched. She wasn't mad, sad, or happy. She went blank. More guilt. She had forgotten them. With all that's happened in the last two weeks, she had forgotten her own brothers. She was surprised Pan remembered their names. She actually didn't think she told him. She didn't.

"Did you see them?" She spun around and put her hands on his shoulders. His silence answered everything."When? When did you go there?" London. Even after declaring nothing could hold her there, she still felt the loss as strongly as she did the first day. It wasn't her home, but Neverland didn't feel like home either. People she cared about: John, Michael, Mom...she still loved them.

"Why does it matter?" Before he could changl the subject, Wendy interjected.

"How are they? Are they okay?" She remembered her father. She feared more guilt. What if Father snapped? What if her leaving put them in danger. "He....he didn't hurt them, did he?"

"No. No, he didn't." Wendy nodded thankfully. Her training was in the back of her mind now. She wondered how much time she lost there. A year? Two? Was Michael in middle school now? Did John get himself a girlfriend?

"What's happening now? You know, since I'm gone?" Wendy recoiled from her own sentence. She was talking as if she had died.

"I don't see how this will help with your training. You're the one who wanted to start, so do as I say." He said clearly frustrated. But this wasn't about training anymore. The damage had already been done.

"Tell me. Please." If anything, Wendy needed to know. She had to know they were okay. That they didn't need her. That there really and truly was nothing holding her back in London.

"Why, oh why must you always test my patience, little bird?" The question was obviously supposed to be left unanswered. Although Wendy could not see him, she knew he was staring at her. He was debating telling her about her family or not telling her. Wendy kept as still as possible so to not change his decision from good to bad.