Doctor on the grid

40. Love me now

There is so much bad happening out there right now, felt like writing again to make myself comfortable forgetting about all that. If anybody still reads this - hey I hope you have a nice day.

Well, Japan won’t be my favourite stop of the season - however promising it seemed while I was daydreaming on the inbound flight. 

"Japan is always crazy!" A devilish grin appeared on Daniel's unshaven cheeks. "Crazy with so much awesomeness!" 

I nodded, smiling. The thought made me curious since I always wanted to visit Japan. No matter that it's only for a few days and probably none of the famous sights but still - I wiggled a little in my seat to get a glance through the small window. 

As soon as we landed, I allowed Daniel to go ahead so to establish a distance which was not suspicious. 

"See you," I murmured under my breath, while I hoped I didn't sound very sulky. 

The reporters and fans were already all over the place with shirts and flags and dolls - I understand the crazy part now, I mumbled while walking to collect my suitcase. 

I passed a moderately huge crowd - in the middle I couldn't miss the brown, Aussie locks of hair. Everyone was asking Daniel for photos and autographs. 

It was surprising how these people were passionate about motorsport and people in it. Later, I even saw a life sized paper Britta held by a fan in head to toe Ferrari merchandise. I made sure to take a picture to show it to her when we meet. 

I was totally amazed by this passion but a wee bit annoyed by it at the same time. As the crowd basically swallowed Daniel, I felt alone at once. Sure, it was essential for me to stay behind since we didn’t want to get the talk to go around. 

Ironically, I found myself in a similar situation a few months before - the feeling of guilt and sourness swept over my chest as I remembered my time with Charles - still, it struck me now as somehow different. 

I was totally aware of the fact that this weekend is the most busy stop of the calendar followed by incredible local media attention - Red Bull Racing particularly because of their collaboration with Honda, alongside the usual fuss. 

I really wanted to be compassionate about the whole weekend, but falling in a second from the warm embrace of Daniel’s and the happy family bubble in Perth to lurking around in the Suzuka Airport alone, looking for a taxi to take me to the hotel really felt like a cold shower. 

I know, I wanted it this way. But it still felt like shit. 

Whatever. 

I finally got out of the terminal and was dragging my suitcase towards a line of some taxis. 

“Miss!” A young taxi driver saw my desperation and waved. “Miss, I take you! Where to?"

That’s when it hit me how big of a fucking bloody idiot I was. 

I stopped and it made the young guy confused. “Miss?” He asked again, now with a frown. 

I didn’t even know where I was supposed to go! I never asked the name of the hotel! I just blindly hopped on a plane with Daniel and let him… enchant me. 

Fuck, Clara. You’ve survived on your own in a military zone deep in Africa and save lives for a living. People might think you are not entirelly dumb.

Struck by the realisation, I pulled my suitcase a bit away from the taxis to feel a little less awkward and took my phone to furiously tap through my contact list.