Doctor on the grid

29. Don't start now

Hi there. It is finally here. I loved so much to write this chapter despite the delay. I hope you like it too. 😘

Have you heard of the five stages of grief? It is also known as the Kübler-Ross model. Actually it was observed while terminally ill patients have dealt with their fate, but one could see in every situation where someone suffered a great loss. It separated the stages of grief to five steps. Everyone supposed to deal with denial, anger, bargaining, depression - with acceptance in the end.

I felt like I suffered a great loss. But I did it even before I really knew how great that could be.

He could be.

Honestly, I also felt ridiculous - it sometimes made me smile bitterly as I thought about that. Maybe he never wanted me. Maybe I've totally misread his generally kind behaviour and he was into Daniela from the beginning. I was convinced he only saw me as a friend, or the best friend of his teammate who he occasionally talked with.

Or...

Or maybe I was the idiot who pushed him away with my act with Leclerc and my indecisiveness.

Whatever, it didn't matter now. I just gave in to those stages of grief so they could wash over me sooner.

Except now, I felt like I got all of them at once. I felt the denial every time I theatrically chose to kiss Leclerc when I've met him and pretended I didn't care about who's watching.

"Jesus, I feel like I got stuck at Love Island or something," Max grimaced as we arrived to the Hockenheim paddock and the first ones we saw were Daniel with his girlfriend - hand in hand.

"Except, that they are the most annoying couple ever, so nobody understands why they haven't been voted out yet," I pouted.

"I can't believe this. Why exactly does he have to bring her along all the fucking time?" I asked as I watched them with my arms crossed over my chest.

"And why exactly are you this annoyed about them?" Max's face appeared in my field of vision with a suspicious frown.

"She wrote the article about me," I started but Max waved me down.

"Yeah I know what she did, you told me before. Also, she made possible for you to snog around the paddock with Leclerc, so practically you could thank her that," the Dutch grimaced again with a sarcastic grin.

"Shut up," I barked and took another look at the Italian-Australian couple.

See, denial.

Sure, that I was angry as hell. I was fuming from the second I saw them together for the first time. But now, it was on a different level. I was arrogant and negligent every time it came even to the mention of the name of Daniel.

"Hi Clara," he greeted me with his widest smile on Thursday morning when I arrived to the Energy Station. Normally, I was actively avoiding him, but that one time my concentration slipped and I almost bumped into him at the entrance.

He grinned at me like that normally would melt my inside, but this time I casted down my eyes and tried to get around him.

"Yes, hi," I murmured.

"Whoah," he stepped in front of me, and blocking my way. "What's the matter?" He asked. His voice was slightly concerned, and I saw he even raised his hand to touch my shoulders but came to a halt mid-air and decided just not to.

I looked at him.

"Let me through," I asked him impatiently without any kindness.

"Only if you tell me why are you like this," he even smiled. I could have slapped him right there.