The One Where The Lines Get Kinda Blurry

The One With The End Of The Beginning

"Jen stop, you can't just run away from me like that" David shouted as he chased her across the studios' parking lot.

"You mean like you're running away from me?" she hissed back at him, her face red with anger and streaked with hot tears.

"I'm not running away from you. I am trying to do what is best for the show, best for our jobs, and probably what is best for you."

"Best for me?  You are best for me.  I want to be with you. I want you. I don't want you to save me, I want you to love me."

David had caught up to her by now and ushered her towards his car, opening the door and motioning her to get in.  "Please, let's go for a drive, I don't think we should do this here."

They drove in silence to the viewpoint where Jen had first taken them after they'd returned home from Vegas, a place which had quickly become one of their favourite spots to go and sit and chat when they needed some time alone.

David pulled in at the roadside, hidden from view by trees and bushes, and killed the engine. He undid his seat belt and turned to Jen, who sat quiet and motionless beside him, tears still evident on her cheeks.

"I'm sorry" he said, his voice barely more than a whisper, reaching out and taking hold of her hands, squeezing them tightly in his.  "This is not what I want to do, believe me. I love you, more than I have ever loved anyone in my entire life, but right now,  no matter how much we want it to, this isn't going to work.  If we can't be together at work anymore and aren't supposed to be together away from work, then honestly, what choice do we have?  We've been lucky to get away with it for this long, but our smokescreen has been removed and it leaves nothing to hide behind."

"Why can't we just tell them, come clean and get it out in the open?

"Because they explicitly said they didn't want anything to affect the show. They wanted no romantic complications, and if we go to them now, right at the time they have decided to break us up on screen and tell them that we are actually together and have been hiding it for all this time, that's exactly what we are giving them, complications.  And it could not only affect the show, but it will make us look incredibly unprofessional and would possibly even get us fired, which is precisely why they told us not to do this in the first place."

A heavy silence fell over the two of them once more.  Finally, after what seemed like an age, Jen spoke with a voice that was wracked with emotion.

"You're right...... I hate it and I can feel my heart breaking inside me, but you are right. We haven't been professional.... I haven't been professional....."  She turned to look at him, "I don't think I am strong enough to do this. I don't know how I can be around you and not be with you.  I can't imagine not being able to kiss you again, or sit on your lap as we learn lines, or watch the sunset with you in beautiful silence.  I don't want to let go of all our dreams, all our hopes, all our plans....."

David pulled her tightly into his arms, emotion filling his eyes as he breathed in her scent, trying to memorise everything about her before he had to let her go.  "I don't want to lose any of that either" he sighed, "But we have to be strong....... we have to be strong for each other right now. It's the only way."  

Jen lifted her head, tears streaming silently from her eyes.  David leaned in and kissed her.  A long, emotional, heart-breaking kiss, clutching onto her arms as salty tears moistened their desperate lips.

"I'll wait for you" he whispered as they finally tore themselves apart, "I promise I will wait for you.  This isn't the end, it's just a pause.  I am not giving up on us."  

Jen lifted the golden bean from where it nestled close to her chest, pressing it tightly in her fist as if she was drinking in his love for her and locking it away inside it.

"I'm not giving up on us either. I'll always be yours" she breathed, "I could never love anyone the way I love you."  She pulled him tightly to her, wrapping herself in his arms where they stayed, clinging to each other until the moon was high in the night sky and their tears had finally dried.  

It was the week before Christmas and ironically, the time of year that should be filled with joy, laughter and happiness, was the week that saw the relationship between Ross and Rachel come crashing to an end.  There had been a melancholy cloud hanging over stage 24 since the table read on Monday morning, the tension between their two 'lobsters' palpable and real.  Despite all their promises to each other to keep their distance to make this easier on themselves, both Jen and David had sought comfort in the arms of each other at various points throughout the week, just needing that reassurance that they were still there for each other and that although they were currently smashed and broken, they weren't irreparable.

"Ok now guys, we are hoping to get this in one take as it's been a long and emotional day already, so just give it your best shot and try to feel their heartbreak. So Jen, when you're ready, from your first line.... quiet on set please...... And Action!"

Jen looked across the room at the man sat crumpled on the sofa, his hair disheveled, his shoulders slumped.  He looked as broken as she felt.  Her head was banging from all the tears she had already cried today, and seeing him there like that brought another batch fresh to her eyes.

"I think you should go"

"What?"

"I really think you need to go now."

David got up from the sofa and crossed the room, "ok, ok...." His hands were on her shoulders and all he wanted to do was wrap herself up in her arms and weep. "This morning you said there was nothing so big that we couldn't work past it...."

"Yeah well what the hell did I know...."

"Look there's got to be a way we can work past this ok, I can't imagine my life without you.... you know, without these arms....." he grabbed at her fingers and touched her shoulder and hair, his body begging her to make this all ok again, running his hands up and down her arms, wanting to drag her into him and never let her go, "... and your face... and heart.... your good heart...and...." Both of them were crying hard by now, all the raw emotion of their own situation spilling over into their characters, the sheer desperation of losing each other too much to bear.  David dropped to his knees, cradling Jen by the waist and hips, his head resting against the part of her that he had enjoyed so many times.  This was torture, he didn't want to give her up.  He wasn't strong enough to do this.

"No" Jen's lip was trembling and the lump in her throat made it difficult to breathe as she looked at the broken shell of the man she loved, on the floor, completely undone.... "I can't, you're a totally different person to me now." She could barely speak through the tears.  She had to fight to stay in character and deliver the penned lines, and not collapse onto the floor with him. "I used to think of you as someone who would never, ever hurt me..... ever...... oh God, and now I just can't stop picturing you with her, I can't.... it doesn't matter what you say or what you do."  Jen's hands were in her hair now, totally distraught.  Rachel was devastated over Ross's cheating; Jen was in a state of total despair at losing the love of her life. "It's just changed everything......... forever"

David stood, he had to tear himself away from her before he lost it completely.  They were both absolutely on the edge of total breakdown right now, tears flowing freely, voices quivering, their chests crushed with the intense pain of heartbreak, "This can't be it....."

"Then how come it is...."

They stood, rigid on the floor, silent tears falling, muffled sobs breaking free every few seconds as the camera panned out and their anguish was captured for eternity.

"Cut!"

Within seconds Jen was in David's arms, crying loudly as he also fought hard to choke back a new batch of tears.  They cradled each other, clinging on to the very last shred of their relationship and not caring about anyone or anything but themselves in that moment. They just needed to be together, wrapped in each other's arms, breathing and being as one, whispering that it would be ok, they would make it...... that this was not the beginning of their end, it was just the end of their beginning.