The One Where The Lines Get Kinda Blurry

The One With A Friend Of A Friend

"Hey you" David said, his eyes wide with surprise and his heart feeling like it was about to leap from his chest, "what are you...... I mean how did you...... how are you?"

Jen was stood just by the door of his low ceilinged, kind of dingy and battered dressing room in the depths of this ancient London theatre. She felt awkward and uneasy and wasn't sure at all if she should be here. But when she had been given the information that he would be in town at the same time as she was, she felt she had to at least try and see him. All she wanted to do was to rush into his arms and have him tell her that everything would be ok, that she could survive this storm and come out the other side, stronger, better and with him by her side. But she knew that was just an unrealistic fantasy in her mind.

"Oh yeah I'm doing great, really great" she replied, her voice rich with sarcasm, before checking herself and calming her tone. "Sorry.... sorry, that was uncalled for, I'm a little defensive right now..........I wasn't sure if I'd actually be able to do this so I haven't planned a speech......." She stopped speaking as she could feel the all too familiar swell of tears. She gulped hard several times, fighting them with all her might. "I've missed you so much" she whispered as she lost the battle and her cheeks dampened from the flow.

David set down the pen he had been holding in his hand onto the draft script on his desk, stood up, and walked across the compact room towards her, his arms open and outstretched. No matter what water had passed under the bridge between them, there was no way he could see her hurting like this and not attempt to comfort her.

She took two small steps forward and collapsed into his arms, her eyes spilling hot tears that soaked through his T-shirt and onto to his chest below. She cried and cried and cried, but these cries felt different. Instead of the tears being ones of absolute anguish and despair, these tears were ones of relief. Finally. Finally, she felt like she was able to release all the pent up fear and frustration and forbidden feelings that she had buried deep inside her for so long.

David held her tightly, feeling some of the tension slowly release from her painfully thin body. She had always been healthily petite but now she felt like a skeleton in his arms. He could feel every single rib in her back as his hands gently rubbed up and down while she sobbed. Eventually he sensed her emotions were coming back under control as the wracked, heaving sobs began to subside and her breathing slowed to a more normal rate. He loosened his grip on her slightly and she lifted her head from his soggy wet shirt. He was shocked to the core by just how terrible she looked. He was used to seeing her stripped free of make-up and inhibitions and still thinking she was the most beautiful woman in the world. But how she looked now, he could have walked past her in the street and barely even recognised her. Her skin was pale and blotchy, her hair was limp and looked uncared for. Her eyes, the eyes he had spent so many hours lost in, seemed almost to have changed colour from sparkling ocean blue, to a murky, dark, sea bed grey. They were sunken into their sockets, puffy rings of dull blueish black completely surrounding them. She looked devoid of life and happiness, and totally and utterly broken.

"I'm sorry" he began, "I should have contacted you but I just didn't know what to say, or if you'd want to hear from me after everything and...... urgh, look, I'm sorry ok, really sorry. You deserve better than this shit he's putting you through."

"Hey, my shit is not yours to be sorry for. You didn't create it, any of it. And I really wanted to reach out to you too, so many times, but I knew I couldn't because you needed space and time and I had to accept that." She stopped talking and let her eyes wander over the man she had missed for almost a year now. He looked different. Not worse, not better, just different. His hair was longer and so were his sideburns. He had a substantial amount of stubble on his face too and she couldn't help but want to run the palm of her hand over it. She didn't though, that would have been beyond inappropriate and unfair. "I'm sorry for just turning up like this, I thought about calling ahead but I wasn't sure if you even had the same number....... or if I could take it if you had declined to see me so I........" her voice faded off as her thoughts overtook her tongue, ".... how did we end up like this? Everything we shared and dreamed and....."