The One Where The Lines Get Kinda Blurry

The One With Goodbye

"Can I hug you?"

"I think it's best if you don't."

She felt another huge stab in her heart as she replayed that moment over and over and over in her mind. She knew he would be finding this painful but seeing him arrive at the hotel that day had taken things to a whole other level. He had lost so much weight. His face was drawn. His eyes were sunken and filled with sadness. He was uncharacteristically on the last minute, something which she felt acutely aware was in order to spend as little time with her as possible. When he finally had come close enough to her to make proper eye contact, she had been shocked by the steely, cold look in his glance. She knew he would be hurting, but God he looked like he hated her and that had brought instant tears to her eyes and a lump to her throat. He had said a brief, none contact 'Hi', mostly for the benefit of the others who were somewhat taken aback by the abnormal lack of friendly warmth and banter between the two of them, and had then manufactured a long conversation with Lisa, his back to Jen who could feel his hackles rising from her gaze.

He had kept himself almost as far away from her as he could until he'd had no choice but to settle down on a seat with only Courteney between them, ready for the filming with Oprah to begin. However, even during the interview when they were both wearing their professional fronts, there had been an air of distance and awkwardness between the two. She had called him out on not ever being engaged, remembering all too well the chats they'd had about him talking to and being ready to wed Mili..... and also of their very own secret long-term plans together which in her mind counted too, but he had been dismissive of her and obviously unimpressed at the way she spoke about and to him.

When the cameras had stopped rolling, the six of them had been escorted to various points around the beautiful tropical gardens for group photos, something which was made more awkward by Jen and David being directed to pose together because you know.... Rachel and Ross, before being released into their newly separate lives under the banner of that was the last time you will see the six of them together again in public. David had been disappearing off down a long hotel corridor when Jen had finally managed to catch up to him, grabbing him gently by the arm but dropping her grip instantly as he flinched at her touch.

"David please...." she had begun but he cut her off before she could get any further.

"I can't do this" he'd said curtly, before taking a deep breath and obviously censoring himself. "Look, I'm sorry, I know I'm being a jerk but I just can't.... not here and not right now."

"Ok, I get it.... honestly.... but please, don't let this be how we say goodbye. Please..... just spare me five minutes somewhere..... I'll beg if I have to......"

"Meet me at the usual place in an hour" he'd said, before adding sarcastically, ".... that's if you're allowed." And with that he had stalked off down the corridor leaving Jen stood stock still, her heart pounding and her face flushed. She deserved his wrath, she knew that, but God, it hurt her. She had made her excuses and left around ten minutes later, disrupting her plans with the girls but knowing she had to see him alone and to try and ease his heartache just a little, and for her own piece of mind, try to at least make him not hate her. She was already losing him; she couldn't bear the thought of him despising her too.

She had been sat waiting at the viewpoint for twenty one minutes when his vehicle pulled in behind hers and he climbed over the barrier to join her. He sat himself down on the dusty ground, close enough that he could touch her with an outstretched arm, but significantly further away than any other time they had sat here before.

"Hey you, thanks for coming"

"Sure" he'd replied. And then silence. They'd both gazed out over the vast array of landscapes that lay before them; impressive skyscrapers; dusty green hillsides; the sparkling blue ocean which was basked in the early evening sunlight. There were millions of people down there and yet up here, it felt like they might be the only ones left in the world.