The One Where The Lines Get Kinda Blurry

The One With The Balancing Act

Christmas was never a particularly easy time for Jen. She wasn't especially close to her father and had been estranged from her mother for a couple of years now, so her friends really were like her family. This year she had been excitedly looking forward to spending a few days with David but since they had only recently made their heart-breaking decision, they agreed that it shouldn't and couldn't happen. They were however going to see each other at what was becoming a Friends tradition of a pre-New Year's party at Courteney's house.  Jen was struggling to decide on what to wear.  She had bought a figure hugging, spaghetti strapped black dress which she loved and she was pretty sure David would enjoy, however now she wasn't sure at all if it would be appropriate to wear it or not.

"What are you wearing tonight?" she asked Court who was on the phone making last minute plans for the evening.

"I have a gorgeous long red dress, and I think Lisa is wearing that beautiful green one she wore to the charity dinner a few months back.  Why, what are you wearing?  I thought you bought that black dress for tonight?" 

"I did, I'm just not sure.... I'm not sure I feel like wearing it."

"What's going on with you Jen? You've been moping around for weeks now.  You can talk to me you know."

"Honey, I can't.... I really wish I could but I just can't, not about this...."

"Ok, well in that case talk to someone you can talk to about it.... just don't keep it all bottled up inside alright?  That's not healthy.  And whatever it is, I'm here for you when you are ready to talk ok.  I hate seeing you so miserable and not being able to help you, but I trust your judgement and I'll be here if you need me. Oh, and wear the damn dress! Whatever or whoever is making you feel like this, you deserve better, so wear it and paint on that beautiful smile we all know and love.  You never know, you might even enjoy yourself."

Jen was the first one David's eyes were drawn to when he arrived at Court's later that day.  She was in the kitchen chopping and dressing salad.  He couldn't peel his eyes away from her in that stunning dress which hugged her in all the right places, her hair loose and wavy, the way he preferred it although he would never dream of telling her that and trying to influence her.  Instinctively he went over and stood behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist and kissing the top of her head as he always did when he wanted to tell her he cared but couldn't as there were others around.

She flinched at first, not realising he was there, but then, recognising his scent in the air, and the strong familiar physique of his body, she happily relaxed back into his arms, her hands still deep in the salad.

"God I've missed you" he breathed into her hair, inhaling the clean, fruity perfume that he had grown to love over the past couple of years.

Jen twisted her head and came face to face with those deep brown, puppy dog eyes that she had spent so many hours getting lost in.  She placed a tender kiss on his cheek.  "I've missed you too. I can't begin to tell you how much."  She removed her hands from the bowl and moved away to the sink, washing them and then returning to where David was still stood.  "Look, can we try and find time to talk properly tonight, this is already difficult enough, Court's been giving me a hard time about being miserable, and I don't want things to be awkward when we go back to work, so can we try and figure out some kind of way to deal with this?"

"Sure" he replied simply, "we can definitely do that. And in the meantime, let's try and forget the events of the past couple of weeks, and just enjoy being together tonight, with friends, where we can just be our usual selves?"

And they did manage to do just that.  They sat next to each other at the dinner table, and after a couple of glasses of wine and some delicious food, it was almost as if the awkwardness and uncertainty of the recent past had melted away and they were able to just relax and enjoy themselves together again.  Their secret little codes and signs re-appeared, they didn't feel uncomfortable being respectfully tactile with each other, and above all else, they didn't feel like they were being judged or analysed by their friends.  Somehow, they had found a way back to the innocent flirtation of where they had very first begun, and although it wasn't anything like enough for either of them, it was certainly better than nothing.

Their return to set the following week had been slightly strained for the first few hours, before David had followed Jen outside when she went for a quick smoke, and they had quickly agreed that they didn't want to feel awkward and uncomfortable, and the only way that was going to happen was if they stopped being awkward and uncomfortable.  So, they tried their best and although they didn't manage to find the same level of intense connection they'd enjoyed previously, for now at least, they could cope with the balance they found.  And over the next few days and weeks they managed to find their new normal.  They figured out how much contact was enough and how much was too much for them to handle before they were in dangerous territory.  And they slipped.... they were human and they weren't perfect.  One time they were running lines, sat together innocently enough on the sofa in the coffee house, and Jen's hand found its way under David's shirt without even thinking.  And another time, they had been in the parking lot at the end of a long day, and during their end of night hug, David had kissed Jen on the lips for significantly longer than would be considered acceptable for just friends.  It was hard and they found it incredibly difficult, but they also respected each other, and their jobs, enough to try and get through this and make it work somehow.  And it wasn't forever, it was just for now, they kept reminding themselves of that.

Before they knew it, they were at the end of season three and all set to film the last episode.  They hadn't been told too much about it, apart from it would be filmed partially on location.  Today was the day they were going to see the script for the first time.  Jen's heart sank as she read it.  Not because there was a prospect of Ross and Rachel getting back together, but because she was going to have to kiss David again and she knew that one kiss would be all it took to break the fragile line they were currently treading, and deposit her straight back into a world of feelings and frustrations.

"You got a minute?" she said, sticking her head around his dressing room door and not really waiting for an answer before she slipped inside.  "Do you mind if I shut this?" she asked.

"Jen, you don't have to ask...." David replied, shifting across on the leather couch so there was room beside him.

She closed the door and sat down next to him, obviously something playing on her mind.

"What's up?  Is it the script?" he carried on as she nodded, ".... are you worried about it or looking forward to it?"

Jen flashed him a knowing smile, "Honestly, both...... I can't say I am not looking forward to getting to be with you more on screen again but......" she paused, trying to think of the right way to say what she needed to say, "..... but I'm scared.  I'm scared that I can't kiss you and hold you and then just walk away at the end of the night not wanting more."

"I know, I was thinking the same.  It's not going to be easy.  But hey, at least we get to enjoy a little more Ross and Rachel time together, that's worth something right?  If we can't be together as us, we can at least enjoy it through them."  

David leaned in and placed a gentle, tender kiss on Jen's lips, not fighting when she softly reciprocated his touch.  He pulled away after only a few moments.  "Sorry..... I just didn't want my next kiss with you to be on screen.  He took her hands in his, "Look this was never going to be easy, but we'll get there.  I know we will."

It wasn't at all difficult for them to depict the longing and unresolved sexual tension between Ross and Rachel at the beach house, but it was much harder for them to keep their hands to themselves.  At the end of filming and after a fairly low-key wrap party, saying goodnight to each other in the parking lot had taken both of them every scrap of self-control not to fall into each other's arms and into each other's beds.  But they managed. They shared a few kisses and there were a few tears from Jen, but their resolve held strong and they found themselves travelling home alone, neither looking forward to the next ten weeks where they wouldn't see each other.  They wouldn't see each other at all.