The One Where The Lines Get Kinda Blurry

The One Where Emotions Run High

Series Five ended with Ross and Rachel getting married in Vegas, and Series Six begun with news that would shake David to his core.  Jen arrived on set that first day back, minus the coffee bean which he had noticed was worn less and less frequently over the past year, but sporting a lavish diamond ring on her engagement finger.

"Hey you" she said, almost sheepishly as she caught him looking at the giant rock that glistened every time she moved her hand, "can we talk somewhere today please.  I need to explain everything to you."

"Sure" he replied, and, not feeling able to say anything else for fear of breaking down, he did the only thing he could do..... he walked away, tears in his eyes, his stomach churning, and leaving Jen standing rigid on the spot, tears forming in her eyes also.

Two hours went by, two awkward, difficult and traumatic hours where David could barely look at Jen and she felt like the most prized bitch in the world.  Finally, there was a break for coffee and Jen was able to drag him into her dressing room for a proper talk.  She leaned hard against the locked door, motioning him to sit on the couch in the corner before moving across the room to sit beside him.  She gently took his hands in hers as he sat slumped, his eyes staring at the floor and fighting not to look at the sparkling gem on her finger.  "I am so sorry..." she began, ..."first of all this only happened this weekend and I really wanted to talk to you before you saw it, but I didn't want to do it over the phone and if I am completely honest, I didn't have the first idea how to talk to you about any of it."

"You don't need my permission Jen" David said through gritted teeth.  "And you don't owe me any kind of explanation.  It's your life and your choice."

"I owe you everything" she replied, "and I don't blame you at all for being angry with me.  You deserve better and I am truly sorry.  But please don't ever think this means that I don't love you, and care about you, and value you, because I do.  You are one of the most special people I have ever met and it still breaks my heart that our timing was off and we couldn't be together."

"I don't need your apologies, Jen.  Just tell me one thing, and I don't need or want details, but tell me, is this what you truly want?" David looked at her for the first time and the intense agony in his eyes shook her to her core.

"I think so....." she said, her voice barely more than a whisper.

"You think so? Or you know so? Because think so is not enough in my opinion. It's not my life and it's not my place to judge, but you don't commit the rest of your life to someone for I think so."

"It's very easy with him" Jen sighed, hating the anguish that screamed silently from his face, "and no, 'I think so' isn't enough, and maybe what I have with him isn't enough to last for the rest of my life.  Maybe he is right for now and if it turns out it's not forever then so be it.  But I think I need to at least try....."

"I thought if I ever asked you to marry me it would be for the rest of our lives, so at least it's good to know your thoughts on the matter." David didn't think he could feel any worse than he did now, ever.  The girl he loved with all his heart, not only engaged to marry someone else, but not even sure she was in it for the long haul.

"If you had asked me to marry you then it would absolutely have been forever, I already know that" she said, tears starting to stream down her face, "I still wish every day that time was on our side."

Tears had formed in the corners of David's eyes now too.  "I wish that too..... I wish that so much." He paused, gulping back emotion before he continued, "I don't think I can stand by and watch you marry someone else.  I'm sorry, I'm not strong enough for this."

Jen squeezed both his hands firmly in hers, yearning to take away his pain and feeling both guilty and devastated that she was the one causing it.  "Look at me" she said as David's eyes once more dropped to the floor. She continued to speak as he fought against the tears and slowly raised his gaze to meet hers, "I love you so much, and I'm sorry that my actions are responsible for your pain.  But you will get through this, I know you will.  And you will meet someone too and we will both be able to live our lives in the present, instead of holding out for a tomorrow that is never promised."  At this David sunk into her arms, his head resting firmly against her shoulder as his threatened tears slowly fell and he finally admitted to himself for the first time that his dream of a life with her was over.

The next few months were excruciating for David as he battled to mend his shattered heart.  He loved working with Jen but right now being around her all day, every day was the worst form of torture.  He stopped visiting her dressing room, he stopped a lot of their little routines, and he tried to distance himself as far away from her as he possibly could, just so that he could try and find some form of healing and closure. Jen too felt absolutely terrible and what should have been a time when she was happily and excitedly organising her dream wedding, was actually a time when she spent as much energy worrying about David as she did focussing on Brad and their plans.  But she respected his need for space and distance and as much as she missed him and wished she could make it alright, she knew that this was something he had to work through without her.

And he did work through it.  Around three months after the bombshell had been dropped, he knocked on her dressing room door, entered as she answered, slipped inside and shut the door firmly behind him.  "Hey, can we talk for a minute please?"

"Of course we can, you can talk to me anytime" she replied, her smile warm and genuine.

"Look I just want to say I'm sorry, I know I have been distant and awkward but I just needed that space and time to try and heal a little bit.  But I think I am almost there now, and since we still need to work together, and also since I actually miss you enormously and want you in my life, can we please just try and be friends.

"Honey, I don't ever want us to stop being close.  You are still one of my very best friends and I have missed you so much.  And I am so, so sorry that I have caused you all this pain, but I hope we can start to move on and get back to something like we were at least." Jen held open her arms, her eyebrow raised in a questioning manner, "Hug?"

"Definitely" he sighed as he opened his arms too and welcomed her into a tight embrace, breathing in the familiar scent of her hair and rejoicing in finally feeling able to take this next step in their relationship.

After a long and emotional hug, and a few more minutes of open, honest conversation, they finally exited Jen's dressing room, arm in arm, laughing about something silly and feeling like a dead weight had been lifted off both their shoulders.  It wasn't perfect and it wasn't completely mended, but it was definitely a huge step along the bridge to reconciliation.  And the next morning, Jen smiled widely as she arrived on set to find a coffee waiting for her, 'D x' written in marker pen on the side of the cup. She had her friend back at last.

All too soon, in David's mind at least, the day of Jen's wedding arrived.  He had thought long and hard about accepting the invitation and gone back and forth on his decision a hundred times before finally accepting that he had to be there, as her friend, as her co-star and as another rung in his ladder of acceptance and healing.  It was the hardest thing he had ever had to do, and he excused himself long before the night was over, heading home to drown his sorrows all alone and feeling lonely.

And Jen herself, although she enjoyed her wedding day, and was excited at the thought of a life with Brad by her side, couldn't help but feel a pang of 'what if' when she caught David's eye as she walked down the aisle and saw the agony burning in his soul.  What if she hadn't been swept along on this golden wave of attention and adoration and media frenzy as she became one half of Hollywood's current golden couple?  What if Brad was a regular guy, with a regular job and a regular income... would she have felt as drawn to him then?  She wasn't entirely sure she would.  And what if she had met David at a different point in time, or they had come clean about their relationship right from the very start.  Would he be the one she was walking away into the sunset with today?  She caught his eye once more. Yes. Yes he would be the one.  He was always the one.