When He Calls My Name

9

I'm slightly sweating even in the cool night breeze as I tread my way up the mountain. However, I think most of the sweat is from nerves. I'm typically a brave person, but when it comes to Xiao... there's just too much to lose.

I know I said I wouldn't do this. I know I said I'd wait a little longer since I just got him back, but based on what he told me tonight, I have a feeling on where he stands. Does it mean he will accept those feelings? Probably not. Will I have to fight him tooth and nail to let me in fully? Probably. But like I said before—it's a risk I'm willing to take with him. Damn, I just care about him so much, I think I'd just about do anything to be with him.

He's waiting for me, perched on a flat rock by the time I make it up the mountain. I fix myself up, before approaching slowly, gathering my thoughts and taking a deep breath. Tonight can go one of two ways, and that genuinely terrifies me.

"You made it," Xiao speaks before even looking at me. I pause for a brief moment, then continue over to him, resting directly beside him.

"Yeah," say, still slightly catching my breath. "Thanks for the lift."

"I figured you wanted to gather your thoughts on your own before meeting me here." He looks at me, the guilt on his face evident.

He thought correctly, I just sometimes—in a twisted way—like seeing him squirm a little when he worries about me because it's cute.

We sit there quietly for a bit, just staring off into the mountains, before I finally turn to him.

"Xiao," I say softly, and he eyes me too. For a moment we just stare into each other's eyes, because I get completely lost in his. "Xiao..." I say again, a whisper this time, my eyes trailing to his lips.

"Aether," he says back softly. "Please don't look at me like that."

"Why can't I look at you like this, Xiao?" I whisper.

"Because," he whispers back—I assume unintentionally, "it doesn't help clear my mind at all."

"It will...trust me." I lean in, placing a hand behind his head, until our lips meet. My eyes close, tongue swirling gently in his mouth. My body melts at the feeling I've yearned for for so long, but the moment is short-lived when I'm shoved away by a whisking force.

I look up to find Xiao now standing, face completely red in the moonlight.

"A-Aether! That is... you cannot just... you- what are you doing?!"

"Xiao," I say, and stand up in front of him, taking his waist and pulling him back in gently. "...I love you. And I know it's hard for you to understand or accept this love. I'm aware of how complicated this is and have accepted that this confession may very well tear us apart. But I can't keep pretending like I don't want to hold you in my arms and kiss you until you're sick of me. I can't keep spending time with you and acting like I don't want to call you mine. We've known each other for so long now, and every day that goes by that I can't hold you in my arms like this, a little piece of me dies inside."

Xiao's eyes search quickly in mine. "A-Aether, I-... I just... I can't-"

"I know!" I raise my voice, then let go of him, trying to hold in the sudden wave of emotions crashing over me. I walk back to the rock and sit with my bangs balled into my fists as I stare at the ground suppressing tears. "I know... I know, I know! But I can't just change the way I feel, Xiao. I can't help these feelings I have for you..."

"Aether..." I hear Xiao approaching behind me. He hesitates, but eventually is seated beside me again. My chin is being raised by a gloved hand, and my glistening, watery eyes look directly into those beautiful, golden eyes. "I just want to protect you," he says. "I'd do anything to keep you safe. Because...I feel very strongly for you too, Aether. Which is why, I'm afraid if I get too close to you, I'm exposing you to...well...danger. And that's the last thing I want for someone I...care so much about."

"I don't care," I say. "I put myself in danger every single day. Being involved with you, I'd say that's the least dangerous things on the list. You are not a burden, Xiao. You are amazing. I don't think you get told that enough. You're so loving deep down under that tough exterior you like to make everyone think you have. I know the real you, Xiao, and that's why I love you so much. I've gotten to know you from a different perspective, and now that I have, I'm not just going to give up on you. Xiao, you may not think so, but to me, you're absolutely perfect."

Xiao stares at me, but with an expression I don't think I've ever seen him make. His eyes still bounce between mine, but there's something so...alluring behind that stare.

"Aether..." he says softly, a slight hitch in his voice, and his hand ever so gently rests against my thigh.

"Yes, Xiao?" I whisper.

"Do you think you can...kiss me again?"

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TO BE CONTINUED (nsfw warning next upload)