When He Calls My Name

48

It's colder out here than I remember. I jog frantic, vision slightly blurry from the alcohol and coordination beyond lost. I call for my boyfriend's name, holding my head as the sound of my own voice right now is annoying me.

Luckily, I don't have to go far, before I spot a figure hunched over beside a lake across the road. I sigh in relief, but for some reason nerves immediately take over. I hold my arms, giving myself a hug as I slowly approach him, gravel crunching beneath my feet louder than ever. I stop a couple meters away and stand there, staring at him. Suddenly, a whole new wave of emotions takes over as I remember just why he had run off in the first place.

"Do... do you not want to marry me?" The words croak from my throat, as I feel a lump well up there. My face becomes hot, and I have to fight back any tears that threaten to release.

"This is a mistake..." Xiao says, finally turning to me. "All of this, Aether. It's all just... pointless!"

"What do you mean..?" I sniffle, still keeping a stoic face even though my eyes are clearly red beneath the street lamp.

"It's pointless!" he yells, standing up. "I shouldn't have done all this. I shouldn't have let you in, dammit!"

"Why are you saying this all of a sudden..."

"Why am I saying this all of a sudden?" he says. "Don't play dumb, Aether. I can't marry you!"

I pause, feeling a sting in my heart. I can't control the tear that finally escapes and makes its way down my cheek. "I don't understand..." I say. "I thought... I thought you said that everything was okay...that you realized you deserve love..."

"At any moment I could hurt you Aether!" he yells. "If I'm married to you, we'll be tied together, and anything to do with me will end up being your problem too. I can't have that happen!"

"What part of I am a top fighter who can handle myself don't you understand, Xiao?!" I practically cry the words, trying my best to stay strong, but every word hurts more and more. "I don't need protection... I don't need to worry about whatever you have going on that can hurt me. I've put myself into dangerous situations all my life, it's what I do! I told you, I don't care about all that."

"Well I do!" Xiao shouts in my face, and all I can do is freeze, eyes searching desperately in his.

"... But, I love you, Xiao..."

"And I love you," he says. "Which is exactly why I can't marry you. And honestly, I don't... I don't think we should continue seeing each other."

I shake my head quickly, grabbing onto his shoulders. "That's doesn't make any sense!" I say. "If you love me like you say you do, why wouldn't you want to be with me, let alone marry me... I'll be fine—I am fine! Look, we've been together all this time and has anything happened to me? No! It's actually kind of insulting that you'd call me too weak to handle myself and then try and throw away our relationship the second something seems too risky to you."

"I'm not trying to say you're too weak," he says. "I.. I know you're not weak. I just..."

"Just what, Xiao?!" I shout through my tears. "Just can't handle the thought of someone wanting to be with you for the rest of their life? You're just afraid of the fact that things are actually going right for you and that you're finally happy. You're trying to run away because you're afraid of ruining something and you don't want it all to go to shit, but by doing that, you're turning it to shit!"

Xiao pauses—his turn to search my eyes. I catch a glimpse of longing, and it stings my heart even more to think that I could be losing the one I love more than anyone in Teyvat.