Blog Articles/ Članci sa bloga

Nadahnuće (koje nestaje)/ Inspiration (that is disappearing)

(25.1.2020)

SRPSKI:

Ono što me iskreno nervira u vezi mojih želja i inspiracije je princip "sve ili ništa"- želim da učinim nešto i odjednom dobijem gomilu inspiracije i ideja, zatim sve to nestane kada razmislim o tome zašto to nije dobra ideja. Tako je mnogo puta bilo i sa pričama, mnogo puta je prvobitno nadahnuće bilo potisnuto logikom. Nekad je to i korisno, delo za koje nema dovoljno nadahnuća teško može biti dobro, što se prosto može osetiti u nekim pričama koje su izgledale veličanstvenije u haosu mog uma nego na papiru.

Ipak, u životu je taj princip još nepodnošljiviji- svest ti stalno daje neke nove ideje i, ako nisi siguran da od njih ima ikakve koristi, jednostavno te nešto tera da iznova i iznova da razmišljaš o njima. Priznajem da mi to nekad troši mnogo energije, naročito kada su u pitanju neke sitnice. Inspiracija nije statična stvar a upravo nam je ona uvek potrebna za sve što radimo u životu, ne samo za umetnost, bez tog osećaja ushićenja i iščekivanja nečeg novog bili bismo poput mašina, bili bismo funkcionalni ali ne bismo znali zašto radimo to što radimo. Doduše, depresija dejstvuje na manje-više istom principu, kao da neko ispije svu energiju iz nas i ostavlja nas živima, ali bez mogućnosti da osećamo.

Palo mi je na pamet da nastavim sa pisanjem priča, no onda se zamislih šta bih još imala da napišem. Svi moji likovi su dobili srećne krajeve, imam osećaj da je već sve napisano i da ništa nemam da dodam. To me malo i brine- nekada sam pisala pesme i priče da bih na taj način rekla ono što želim i mislim, mnogo puta sam sebi rekla da je dovoljno radova na određenu temu ali bi uvek nastala još neka misao. Sada, osećam kao da zaista nema još mnogo da se doda, kao da inspiracija nestaje iz mene i ostavlja me potpuno praznu. Čak sam prestala da vežbam i pevanje, postaje sve teže naći inspiraciju čak i za taj vitalni deo moje umetničke duše. Od ogorčenosti u priči "Spaljena" stigla sam do ravnodušnosti. Ko bi rekao da potpuna ravnodušnost može biti strašnija od razočarenja.

ENGLISH:

What genuinely annoys me about my desires and inspiration is the "all or nothing" principle - I want to do something and suddenly get a bunch of inspiration and ideas, then it all goes away when I think about why it's not a good idea. There's the same thing and with stories, many times the original inspiration was suppressed by logic. Sometimes it's useful, a work for which there is not enough inspiration can hardly be good, which can simply be felt in some of the stories that seemed more magnificent in the chaos of my mind than on paper.

However, in life this principle is even more unbearable - consciousness constantly gives you some new ideas and, if you are not sure that there are any benefits to them, it simply makes you think about them over and over again. I admit that it consumes a lot of my energy sometimes , especially when it comes to some unimportant things. Inspiration is not a static thing, and it is exactly what we always need for everything we do in life, not just art- without that sense of elation and anticipation of something new we would be like machines, we would be functional but we wouldn't know why we do what we do. However, depression acts on more or less the same principle, as if someone were draining all the energy out of us and leaving us alive, but without the ability to feel.

So,I had a thought to continue writing stories, but then I thought about what else I would have to write. All my characters got happy endings, I have a feeling that everything is already written and that I have nothing to add. I used to write poems and stories to say what I want and think, many times I told myself that there was enough work on a particular topic but another thought would always come up. Now, I feel like there really isn't much left to add , as if the inspiration was disappearing from me and leaving me completely empty. I even stopped practicing singing too, it became increasingly difficult to find inspiration even for that vital part of my artistic soul. From the bitterness in the story "Burnt" I came to indifference. Who would say that complete indifference can be tougher than disappointment.