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Reality or illusion in which my brain has lived for years?

 * Warning: Do not read if you are being treated for any mental disorder or illness (or if you do not have a diagnosis but you don't want to get worse), this article would certainly negatively affect you, which is not my goal because I understand how important it is to take care of yourself and that normal people actually want to be better, that not everyone is a monster like me. The rest of readers have been warned as well, if you don't like reading a bunch of self-hatred and resentment then get out of the article, I feel like letting my most cynical and disgusting side out (probably the diplomatic side will soften it a bit, but I sincerely don't give a damn anymore) . For anyone who continues to read, keep in mind that my way of thinking is disturbed, at least by the definition of psychiatry (I don't give a damn for that either), but I am still a realist. I do not want any censorship, I do not force you to continue reading. When I think about it, don't read anything I write, I write articles anyway just because I'm overwhelmed by thoughts that have been running through my head for a long time and I have no one to share them with, don't want to bother anyone with my trivial ideas and thoughts. *

   In the last few years, a lot of work has been done to break the stigma around mental problems, at first timidly, and then more and more people got involved in the campaign. Of course, many wanted to share their story, feeling as if they could finally open their souls without judging of their surroundings and maybe to help someone with their experience. Let's clear out this before I start, I think this kind of sharing of positive experiences is good for people who are at the beginning of symptoms and who need mild help from a psychologist or older person to help them overcome that obstacle or period, while preventing further deterioration of symptoms, and such people need it the most (which would be said in our country "iron is shaped while it is hot", aka it's better to do something in the right time than to wait and miss a chance or to let it fail). And so, there are a lot of positive stories in those campaigns, a lot of them end with the person recovering, their life changing for the better, finding a job, the love of their life, etc. It all sounds like one of those happy-ending Hollywood movies where the main character is rewarded for everything he has survived in those two hours or as long as the movie lasts. And I'm glad for the people who succeeded in that; I believe that everyone deserves peace and happiness in life, I think it's good that their experiences may save someone's life, so don't expect me to start saying something against them, I said I'm a realistic person and I really wish people well even though I'm antisocial human garbage. So, I don't mind people who want to motivate someone with their life story with a positive outcome, I also try as hard as I can to give support to others, even though I don't care about my life or anything else; what actually started to irritate those last three active ganglia in my brain is that this "positive psychology" is being pushed too hard in places like (news) media and social media, so we're so "bombarded" by same phrases about how much mental health is important, about the symptoms of various disorders, about the need to seek the help of a psychologist or even a psychiatrist. Mental health IS important, and pointing out symptoms may help someone to recognize in time that they have a problem (although many mentioned symptoms can be more or less identified with people who do not have the disorder), going to a psychologist should not be a taboo subject in any society; however, the reality generally works differently, at least when more difficult cases are involved.

    Sometimes I have no idea if I could classify my stories as raw realism, motivation by showing the negative side or demotivational reading after which you feel awful for least three days (almost no one shared experiences about stories because they haven't read or did read them but just didn't like it, and maybe it's better that way). As for my personal assessment, I would classify my stories in the genre of ordinary garbage, they will end there when I die and when these greedy bastards come to rummage through our things (I tried to talk to my parents about the inheritance of the house after my death so many times; I don't want my father's relatives to take everything as if it were theirs, because they make this little bit of life that we have left even worse), and I've written quite a bit on the topic of psychology and psychological disorders. Of course, since I am an insignificant creature who was educated about psychology and psychiatry from books, medical articles, observation of other people and personal experience, then my opinion does not count because I am stupid and so on. I should know where my place is, I should probably get some job with the minimum income (if I succeed in finding that, I've been in the unemployment office for seven years) where everyone will mock me for being clumsy (I am not capable of anything in life, I spend food and air in vain), maybe I will have less time to write nonsense that no one reads. Anyway, if anyone had read these things they would notice that I write from the position of a "sick" person (I intentionally put quotes, because I'm no longer sure about the existence of the universe, let alone what is a disease and what is normal), and my stories usually have difficult endings (Absolutely every story in which I am a character does not have a happy ending, at least not by your standards - for me they actually have a happy ending), so I have no doubt that someone would say that they influence someone badly, the same goes for my lyrics. However, according to that logic, doom metal and black suicide depressive metal would not even have listeners, they would all die by now. I don't hide that besides symphonic metal I listen to other types of metal, mostly with female vocals, I listen to different bands and genres - from rock music to something completely different like disco or pop music, there are a lot of songs for which I don't even know the exact genre. And so, one of my favorite bands that doesn't have female vocals or is not symphonic metal is Linkin Park, which I'm always glad to listen to. Their lyrics were written from "this side", they do not glamorize or force optimism, and as such they have helped many (young) people to recognize their problem, accept that they need help and even manage to recover. I am glad that I had the opportunity to read about how this band directly helped many people through its subject matter, I was a little reassured that it is possible to help someone through difficult subjects, that it does not always have to act negatively on people.