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Stories that I would write differently (now)

It happens that, even though the idea for a story is strong and pulls me to write it, in the end I'm still not completely satisfied. It has already been mentioned that I rewrote the first few stories, I don't count them because I was still a beginner in writing and it was done to improve the quality, but the plot was minimally changed (unless there was some kind of confusion or mistake in some places). In some recent stories, there are parts that always make me uncomfortable because of what was written - some such parts I corrected and supplemented during the typing of the text, but still some ended up in the final version, sometimes I am tempted to rewrite stories with more illogicality and worse development. The list does not include thoughts from stories where I am a character, even if in the meantime my attitudes and needs have changed, they are part of the age at that time and serve to give me an insight into the spiritual development of my personality (for example, I do not agree with the story "13 Deaths " - Chapter "Broken" in the present, but during the period of writing I was bitter so people will always read my opinion at the time even though I have long since disagreed with it) so any philosophy of mine should be seen as a state of mind during that period, not as my only and final opinion, a person must become more mature and be ready for changes if he wants to elevate the spiritual side of his personality.

-LOLLYPOP

This is a story that I wasn't sure how to do without breaking any ethical code, given that all the characters are real people. I wasn't allowed to write their names, I wasn't allowed to describe their appearance, I couldn't write in detail about their personality (after all, how much did we really know each other, except through those short-term interactions?), I was afraid to write fictional situations with those characters ( except for the scenes where they interact with me, so the whole story is from my point of view) because I wasn't sure if it was a good idea. It was driving me crazy that I had so many characters and that the story could be very dynamic (even though it was written from my point of view), but because of that line between reality and fiction I wasn't allowed to go any further. I'm annoyed by the part with Almond, even then I wouldn't have been disappointed by his marriage let alone now, I'm sick of reading all the way to the balloon scene because that's when I wrote my real opinion on the subject - it came off as I was grieving for him, and I just wanted to put an end to that part of my life through that story and to move on. It would have been more interesting if I had more artistic freedom and could have had different interactions with the characters; in reality I'm a very reserved person, but that's the point, in the story I can show the less noticeable sides of my personality and show the sarcastic side, the witty side, the emotional side, maybe even the romantic side... I wish I wasn't so reserved (read: boring) in my own stories, this applies to all stories where I'm a character, from "Scale of Sanity" to "Team Blume - The End of the Universe", I've been like that since childhood because I'm used to hiding my emotions (except anger which I express more and more often). Another part of the story that I don't like is the part with Orange; in the story, I didn't give detailed explanations why I avoid that person, and maybe I turn out to be a piece of trash who runs away from someone without need, but in reality I really have a reason, I just didn't write about it because of privacy and a subjective point of view, but the situation is a little different now. In the meantime, I gave the person another chance, but it came down to the same again, and all those scenes with her would have been more dignified and mature, because I'm an adult and that's how I behave. I had trouble writing almost anything in this story, including the Blackberry part, without going overboard with fiction. I wish I knew my "characters" a little better, but even so, it was impossible to "predict" the way they would communicate with me at this time, except for Apple and Orange, with whom I had the opportunity to communicate after the story, while I remember Almond as an interlocutor just from the memories of when we were kids (with the fact that we played more than talked, but I doubt he would be nice to me in the present). Overall, this is not one of the stories I would recommend for a first read because of all these "restrictions" in the writing process, a part of me would love to write it again but I would run into the same problems again. If I can find a way to make those characters completely fictional or to do the story differently, respecting the code of ethics and still making it a little more interesting (maybe even revamping the contest idea and putting in something more realistic), then maybe it will be something. For now, this version of the story remains, which for me will always carry a certain amount of uneasiness because of the characters that exist in real life, but I still return to it because of the depressing scenes.