Jungwon Writes Fan Fiction: A JayWon Story

"What Rabbit Hole is This?"

Things moved insanely fast after the release of our first album.

We've spent the last year all over the country non-stop, released tons of content, did more fansigns and vlives than I can possibly count. We've done award shows, music shows, it's been a LOT. It's been amazing, but it's been A LOT.

Not that I'm complaining at all. I was so grateful that I was with Sunoo when that talent scout was hunting down Sunghoon. But the way things escalated from that point were a whirlwind. 

One minute I was Yang Jungwon, junior at a prestigious arts university, majoring in music management and production.  The next minute people all over the world knew me as just "Jungwon".

I did initially get into university with a vocal audition.  Even so, I had hoped that understanding music management and being able to produce would be just as helpful in getting my foot in the door. Therefore, I just worked toward a minor in vocal performance.

What I didn't anticipate was that having such a background would be part of why I was selected to be the leader of the team. Again, not complaining - it's been really great and an honor for sure. It's just... more responsibility than most people think.

So, we all dropped out at the very end of our junior year and threw ourselves into our new group.

Because we are all the same age and an older team (in the world of K-Pop) with no time as official "trainees", we got a crash course with the expectation we could use the training we received in university, and it worked out.

We were so grateful that our closest friends were establishing their own debut group at the same time.  Same label and everything.  It felt good that we were all in this together. But I don't think I've taken a breath in an entire year.

Which means, for those following my story, that things with Jay are EXACTLY where they were a year ago.

Annoying, right?

I've made myself so abundantly clear over the last year that I am truly baffled as to why we aren't together. This has gone on since pre-debut.

We're practically inseparable, I've told him over a year ago that I was into him, and he just sort of acknowledged it and never brought it up again. 

If he wasn't into ME, I would think he would have basically avoided me. But that hasn't been the case.  It's like he was like "K, cool" (he didn't say that) and then moved along. Like I didn't say anything at all.

I had basically given up hope, to be honest. Except for the fact that he was ALWAYS by my side.

But now, something has happened, and an idea has formed.

Just a few weeks ago, we went on a break FINALLY to rest up for what would undoubtedly be another whirlwind of a year. We actually even charted in the US last year, so I'm excited and terrified about what the future holds.

But anyway, I was home. I went to see my parents and my older sister for the month which was amazing.  But they have jobs and their own lives, so there was a lot of downtime.  Which I needed; I just wasn't used to it. 

I can't just go out and about.  Paparazzi isn't supposed to come anywhere near us, but that doesn't mean that there aren't those insane fans who hang out around my parent's building just in case I ever show up.

I'm grateful for our fans but...that can be a little creepy.

Whatever, let me get back on track.

One day I was particularly bored and got on the internet.  As one does-famous or not-I googled myself.

All of the expected things came up *scroll, scroll, scroll* and then I saw it:

"My One and Only": Yang Jungwon.  In the description all I could see was "Yang Jungwon wasn't ready for a relationship with..." So, yeah OBVIOUSLY I clicked.

Rabbit Hole.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I had stumbled into the world of fan fiction.  And let me tell you, I was STUCK.  I could not believe the number of books on this website dedicated to ME!  Not just me, our whole group, and, specifically, me and Jay!

I read. I read and read and read and read. I couldn't even begin to tell you how many books and stories I read.

Do the guys know about this? 

I'm POSITIVE Sunoo would have mentioned it.

I was fascinated with the way fans I didn't even know were able to find the words to say all of things I couldn't figure out how to say. It's like they understood my situation. I wish I could just say things like this.

Then it hit me.  What if I CAN do this? What if the key to telling Jay how I feel once and for all - and it really sinking in - is through a fan?

What if I write like a fan?