Jungwon Writes Fan Fiction: A JayWon Story

@actuallyyangjungwon: Truth

I stared at the pictures. Five portraits of me, lined up in a row.

"Jay..." I began with a whisper, but I couldn't get anything out. I felt like I couldn't breathe at all. And I feel as though I should point out YET AGAIN, this is particularly frightening when you aren't supposed to even need to.

All I could do was stare at the pictures. What does this mean? What is he telling me?

I looked up at Jay, my eyes filled with tears, and I saw that his were the same.

"There's more, Jungwon," Jay said, smiling softly at me and reaching for my hand. "Are you sure you want to talk about it?"

As he asked this, his smile became much bigger, and much more reassuring.

"Jay, I -" I began shaking my head. He doesn't understand! He has to know who I really am! "Jay, there are some things I have to tell you. I'm not entirely who you think I am. Seriously, I -"

"Jungwon, there's more.  Is it okay if I finish telling you, and then you can tell me all about what you have to say?"

I nodded. Jay stood up and sat on my bed, and I scooted until my back was against the wall, facing him. I don't think I could stand right now, not even to get up onto the bed.

"So," he continued, "the therapist turns the pictures around and asks me if I knew who this was. Just like you, my eyes widened. I said 'that's Jungwon.  He's this guy that I'm...interested in..." with that he looked down at the floor sheepishly, "but there's no way that I would have known what he looked like then.  I just met him.  Not long ago at all.

"The therapist leaned back in her chair and told me that she needed to explain something that may be difficult for me to understand. But that I needed to hear her out. What she told me made absolutely no sense at all. But then, it also made all the sense in the world.

"She explained to me that she had known you and your brothers for a hundred years. At first, I thought perhaps she believed in reincarnation, and felt as though she knew you from a past life. But no.  She literally met you over 100 years ago.

"She said that she had to come to me before it was too late."

Jay looked at me, expectantly. A multitude of emotions were on his face. I couldn't read what he was thinking. His eyes were filled with tears.

"Jay?" I asked, softly, "I don't understand. Please don't cry. Please don't be so sad."

Jay wiped his eyes with his sleeve and sniffed, letting out a little laugh. "I'm not sad, Jungwon.  I'm really happy. And I'm really sorry."

"What?" I asked, more confused than ever.

"She told me that you'd been looking for me for years. You'd been waiting on me to grow up and you had no idea. She told me that your brothers had grown impatient, had thought it was too late. She told me that my being able to see your reflection at all was miraculous, but also very dangerous.

"You were supposed to find me when I was in the darkest place.  When I was in despair, hollow, certain to die or something worse.  You did.  You found me. It's just that you found me in my heart and in my brain; my imagination. You found me in my drawings. It kept me sane. But it also kept me from you. 

"I moved forward. I saved myself.  A hole in my heart was so big that it couldn't be filled, and I didn't know why. Now I know."

At this point I could hardly stifle the sobs. What was he saying? Was he saying that he knew me? That he knew what was supposed to happen? It can't be that simple.

"The problem," Jay continued, "is that I fought through my pain, through the time when you would have found me. The time I needed rescuing. I wasn't almost beaten to death. I wasn't lying in a hospital bed. I was alone, pushing through, so I became impossible to find. And now it's you, Jungwon. It's you who needs saving."

"I...don't...understand," my face buried in my hands, my knees pulled up to my chin, "What are you saying, Jay?  What do you know?"

"I'm saying that I understand you. I'm saying that I understand this.  I'm saying that my therapist wasn't a therapist, she was hundreds of years old. I'm saying that I know that you are as well. I know that you will live forever if you find the right match. A person to love forever.

"I'm saying that I know that without finding the solution, you won't be immortal. And I am saying that you are running out of time.  Just look in the mirror, Jungwon".

The mirror? I had forgotten. I hadn't even noticed when I walked down the hall.  I turned to my right, seeing the mirror that Sunoo had put on the back of my bedroom door.

What I saw terrified me. I expected to see nothing, just my room reflecting back at me. What I saw instead was me.  I couldn't even remember what I looked like; it had been so long since I'd truly seen myself.  I looked almost like a ghost. Transparent, difficult to completely put into view, but I was most definitely there.

"It's too late, Jay," I gasped, "My hands are warmer, I'm bleeding, my reflection is starting to show. I'm - I'm becoming human. I'm going to die."

Now, hot tears sprung from my eyes and rolled down my cheeks.  Even my tears felt human. My head ached from crying so hard for the first time in centuries. I was feeling human pain. I kept staring at myself in the mirror, wondering what would become of me. Wondering what would become of my brothers.

Jay's reflection was behind me as he sat down next to me, wrapping his arms around me.

"I didn't come here to make you cry, Jungwon.  I warned you it would be a little intense."

I nodded, continuing to muffle my cries. "I guess if I'm going to be human, at least maybe I can be with you?" I looked up at him, my eyes pleading.

"Jungwon, I don't think you understand.  It isn't too late.  You aren't human yet. I've done everything that I need to do. I've said goodbye to the people I need to. I've missed you, Jungwon, even when I didn't know you.

"I've heard that in French the phrase used when you miss someone is "tu me manques". If the translation I've heard is true, it is exactly what I have felt.  I haven't just missed you: 'You are missing from me'."

With that, Jay leaned forward, tilting my chin up to his.  He looked me deep in my eyes, and I felt my stomach lurch from the butterflies. He kissed my forehead, then kissed my cheeks where the tears had fallen, ultimately ending in my lips.  His lips felt warm and soft against mine. I didn't know what it would be like to kiss someone.  I didn't know that my head would spin so fast that I couldn't keep up.

As the kiss ended, Jay pulled back, still holding my cheek to look at me. It felt as though he were looking into my soul.

Assuming I have one.

Jay put his forehead against mine and whispered, "You have been missing from me. You will make me whole. I think I'm supposed to be yours forever now, Jungwon. And you're supposed to be mine. 

"I know this is a little sudden," a sneaky smile spread across Jay's face, "but...

I'm thinking you should probably bite me now."