The Summer Court

Chapter Fifty-One

"Elsi? Did something happen?" His fingers tightened on hers as his eyes swept over her appearance. "Did someone hurt you?"

She shook her head quickly, finally finding her voice, "No. No one has hurt me but myself." She bit her lips together and braved another look into his face― admiring the angle of his strong jaw and his sharp cupid's bow. His dark brows furrowed at her statement, and she pushed forward before her resolve crumbled. "I need to ask something of you. When we kissed that night, you told me to live in the moment― to make it count. And the more I think about that the more I realize that it is all I can do for you." Her throat tightened, cutting her off but she kept her eyes on him.

His face didn't give up much, but she saw the trepidation in his eyes. Darius cleared his throat, "You are rethinking this?"

"No― I don't want to lose you." She blinked away the burn of tears. "I don't want to hurt you. But I am left wondering if that is all I will succeed in doing," she took a breath, "In this arrangement."

His gaze dropped, his fingers working over hers. "Because you cannot choose me," his voice was rough, thick. Tilting his head to the side he looked up at the princess, and she could see how that fact pained him. She nodded, her heart cracking inside her chest. "You came here, to be honest with me?" Elsine nodded again. He averted his gaze, the muscle in his jaw straining. "Tell me who it is you care for, then."

"I don't―"

"Please," he interjected. "Allow me this. I want you to be happy and I need to know you will be. So, tell me, please."

Tears welled in her eyes as it felt like he had handed her a great sword to use against his unguarded heart. She didn't want to tell him. She hated herself for feeling two things at once. Two things she didn't fully understand. But she hated that she was about to hurt him the most. Inhaling through her nose, her fingers held tightly to his― willing him to stay here and hear her out. "Kannon," she whispered as if to soften the blow, but she saw it land.

His jaw worked but he kept hold of her hands. "He is kind to you?"

"Yes, he is."

"Does he hear you when you speak?" His voice wavered and Elsine's heart broke a little more for how he cared. His question meant more than implied. He wanted to make sure she would have a voice in her marriage and as queen. She thought back over the conversations she had shared with Kannon and the gifts he seemed to carefully think through. Or the way he liked to bend the rules for the both of them.

"I feel that he does."

He looked relieved and troubled at the same time. "And―" His eyes lifted to hers, searching as he posed the third question, "Will he fight for you?"

The princess held back her immediate answer. She thought of how he made things happen so that they got the most of their time together. Of how he seemed to sweep in to save her from conversations she didn't want to be having. His attitude also made her believe that he would stand up against even the council elders if he felt it was necessary. She nodded, wiping a tear from her cheek, "I believe he would."

He didn't say anything for several minutes and Elsine's heart thudded against her ribcage; waiting for him to tell her what she was afraid to hear. Resting his elbows on his knees Darius pulled their hands to his lips and whispered, "Good." She wanted to know why he wished to know those things if they pained him so much to hear. She swallowed the lump in her throat as he rested his forehead on their intertwined fingers.

Unable to bear any more silence or how her heart felt like it was being torn apart her voice broke, "Is this goodbye?" Tears fell softly down her face. "Because I need you to know that I would rather have you― choose you― for these small fleeting moments than lose you." His head lifted, looking at her like it might be the last time he ever did. Perhaps it was desperation, but she couldn't bear the thought of his absence, continuing even as her tears fell on his hands that covered hers. Her voice was desperate, "We don't have to talk about them or who I will have to choose―"

"Elsi, you won't lose me," he interrupted, pulling their hands to his heart. "I promise," his eyes shone with unshed tears as he breathed the promise. Relief poured into the wounds of her heart, healing and warm as it moved her before she could think. Her hands pushed up and away from his, over his shoulders as she moved to straddle his lap. His lips parted; his brows lifting as the princess cradled either side of his face in her soft hands and kissed him. His shoulders relaxed as he lifted his hands to her neck and kissed her back. He isn't walking away. Elsine's delicate, golden brows pulled together as they rose with emotion. He broke the kiss, close enough still that his lips just brushed hers as he spoke softly, urgently, "When you are with me promise that they don't exist. Promise me it's just you and me. Promise that you choose me in these moments."

The princess didn't hesitate as she looked into the eyes that had truly seen her since childhood, "I promise."

**Edited Kylie R. Trask 2022**