The Journal Of Truth

Perfect is over rated

People at my school say that I have the perfect figure, that they aren't pretty like me, that I have the perfect life, that they want to be me.

But, they don't realize that I have had the worst things happen to me. They don't see themselves kissing guys? I haven't even had a real boyfriend, I am not popular and I defiantly don't have anything that they would want.

I don't get invited to parties, they do. I don't have a free membership at clubs, they do. I haven't once ever been to California, or even New York, I don't even have a lot of money to get clothes every weekend like they do. I know the only reason my " friends " are saying that is because they don't want to make me feel bad.

Sometimes I wish I had real friends that could stand up for me. Ones that won't ditch me when I tell them exactly how that new top looks on them or what I think about them dating a guy that is 2 years older than them. When they say " I want you're honest opinion on this." Then I tell them. " Seriously! I thought you were my friend! You are just jealous. I wanted a real opinion." All they want me to say is what they want to hear, not the real truth. What I want to say " Okay whatever, next time don't bother to ask my opinion!" I have trouble on finding the right friends, all because I miss my old ones.

My friend C ( Sorry, I don't want to say her first name) she used to be the nicest person ever. Then all of a sudden she turned to popularity instead. I wish she was the same person, not wanting to put loads of makeup on, not caring if her hair is messed up and if she has the perfect high heal boots to make the popular girls happy. ( Honestly I like country boots, but that isn't good enought is it?) Everything she asks is " Is this pretty enough?" Me: I guess. " Will this impress them? Do you think they will like this?" Me: I don't know why don't you ask them! " I hope that they will like this outfit, it's suppose to be in this week and then next week old, so then I will get rid of it and buy the next set of in season things." Me: Why buy something only to get rid of it? Why waste money for something that you don't even like? Why not get something that YOU WANT! INSTEAD OF WHAT THE POPULAR GIRLS WANT YOU TO GET! That is basically our whole conversations now.

I just wish I had someone who didn't do that. Ditching Everything and everyone just to be come popular. Is that what you really want? To change yourself for them? To loose your personality? Stop being smart? Stop being a sporty person? Stop being you? To be someone who you aren't? To act totally different? Trying to be perfect, which you aren't? Trying to be the best in school when everyone else knows how pathetic you really are? Do you want to loos all you friends who don't care who you are, how you act and who only like you because you aren't being someone else? Do you really want to loose me? Even after Everythign we have been though together?

Our crying sessions? Spilling out our guts? Our thoughts? Doing all these things together? The happy times, when we are sleeping over play truth or dare? Or even just talking? Giving each other advice? Being there for each other? Being ourselves? Don't you care? Won't you miss that? Miss me? Each other?

You have really changed. Turned into someone that I totally don't know, everytime I look at you, I know the old you is still in there somewhere wanting to come out and be with me again, to be my best friend again. No one else is like you, you are special, pretty in you're unique ways, that is the reason we are best friends. I know you probity don't care, but if you did then I would tell this to your face.

If only you didn't change, if you didn't slowly drift away from me, if you still cared about me, us. I know I am defiantly no where near to perfect, but still I dream, hope that me and you could be close friends once again. I am still dreaming, wishing, hoping that I haven't fully lost you. I am still waiting, I will be here when you come back or if you come back.

If you really don't care, at least read this part. No other friend could replace you, no matter how hard they try, no matter how close they are. They will never be you. Even if I have a million best friends, I will never forget you, even if you forget me. That is not just words, that is the truth, a promise that a old best friend is saying to another when they really mean it. I haven't had such a good best friend like you. I will miss you forever and ever, no matter how much you change or popular you become.

If you want to talk, I am here C. I alway will be deep deep down, no matter if I am mad at you forever reason. Even if we never talk to each other again.

Always remember this, you will never be perfect, no where close to it. All of us have flaws, something that we don't like about ourselves and want to change, we all have regrets, but in my view you are perfect. You were a perfect best friend before all of this.

For everyone who reads this, perfect is way over rated. All you need to do is find the right friends, I am still looking, but I might have found some. For now, I will keep them, but who knows in the future what I will do, maybe I won't have any friends. If this is happening to you, I am sorry. I know what it's like not to have any friends. Something that I did was depend on myself, tell myself that I can be whoever I want to be and just stay true to yourself. Others will respect you. Don't change who you are unless that is who you really want to be. Trust me when I say that it will be hard, but you can do anything you put you're mind to.

Mostly all the popular girls have changed to fit into that giggly group, as I call them -giggly girls. The total drama queens, they always hide their true selves. Every time someone new comes to the school, I am their friend. They are really nice and I get to know them. Then the popular girls get a hold of them and change them into a clone. Some popular girls aren't bad, don't get me wrong but they always go after the new pretty girl and then I don't like seeing them become a giggly girl.

I will admit that I used to want to be a popular girl, and when I was little around 5 Years old, I was best friends with the head popular girl, N. Back then she wasn't popular. She was just herself and then so quickly she changed, ditching me for the group and my good friend L. Now L has been ditched for the more popular girls. Seriously don't get me wrong if you are popular, but the girls at my school are just kinda annoying. They always gossip and make fun of me. Like I am not pretty enough, good enough and that I always will be different from them. And that is fine with me, because I don't want to be apart of that anyways. I have a small group, that I am just doing fine in.

Honestly if I could have one real true friend, or have tons of friends that secretly hated me, I would choose one friend. I like smaller groups better than big. That is just my opinion, you could think differently, but this is just what I think

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Xx - Countrygirl1055 Like and comment, thanks for reading my rant! :)

~ Sorry about it being so long! Lol I will try to keep them shorter ~