The Journal Of Truth

Riding = tears

So right now I just got back from riding. I am extremely upset. The lesson was going good. I didn't get to ride Inky, but I got to ride Pipen. We were going over jumps at the trot and then Lisa had us canter. That is when everything came crashing down. 

 Everyone exept  the girl riding inky had to canter with another person. So Pipen was trotting fast and when he usually does that we end up in the middle where all the other riders were. I lost my sturrups, and my balance, Pipen was refusing to canter, keeping a nice fast speedy trot. The younger girl was riding Maddie was doing a perfect job. I can't help but to compair my riding to everyone else's. Pipen wasn't listening to me and I have a connection with him when we trot, but not canter. His canter is short and hard to sit to. I love inky's canter, but Pipen is a better jumper than Inky. 

So Lisa was getting mad and yelling at me to look up and collect him, I always get nervous expecially sense their are five other riders in the ring. I can't help but get nervous when other people see me ride. Expecially when I mess up.  

I used to have good confidence when I was riding Maddie and quill. Which I only rode them both once, but why have I suddenly stopped? I was going to grow as a rider and I felt proud to ride Maddie. Lisa helped me boost my confidence and now, I just am upset seeing someone younger than me rider her. She lets everyone ride her. Will I get another chance? 

Pipen and I don't fully connect. I want to start growing again. I don't feel confident, and after that horrible ride I cried. I couldn't keep the tears away. I know that you have bad days in riding, but lately all I have been doing is bad. Messing up and not riding good. I used to be confident and to improve, but lately I feel like I am making the same old mistakes that I used to make. This really upsets me. My dad told me that I did good, but I know that I didn't do good. I feel like I failed. 

Any advice? Tips to help me boost my confidence up? This is a real problem that has been bothering me.

~ Countrygirl1055