The Journal Of Truth

Why I am not pretty ~

Hey everyone... Well I need to rant about something that keeps coming to m mind. Honestly I feel confused.

People say I'm pretty, gorgeous and beautiful... But I don't see it.

I'm not pretty, I have so many imperfections and I wish I could cover it all up. I know here is absolutely no way I could become perfect and have the perfect life. So basically I was out with my friend E shopping and she was getting all this stuff. We went into three stores for her and she bought so much stuff. Makeup, a new dress, shoes, jewelry and a new wallet.

But me on the other hand.... Didn't even get one thing. I would look at clothes and think to myself " That wouldn't ever work for you" or " That is way to pretty to be worn by you" and I would end up putting it back on the rack.

I don't have a lot of money to throw around. Everything that I would like to get doesn't work out. Like some pretty dresses I think doesn't look good on me, would look great on someone else. It's hard for me to go clothes shopping because I feel like half of the stuff will look terrible on me. I could never look good in a romper or high heals.

I feel like I look ugly and there will never be anything that I can do to change it. All my friends say I look cute... But I don't see it. Every time I look in the mirror I judge myself and see my imperfections. I don't see anything pretty or perfect about myself. Some people say that I have a great body, and that I can eat whatever but my thighs look huge to me. I look fat and feel it sometimes.

However times I may be reassured I look good, I think to myself how I look fat and how my face looks bad or just how I have small feet. I just see everything bad about myself. Sure I am a good friend, but sometimes I just feel like everything is my fault. Like when I was at the mall today... I should have gotten stuff for someone else not me. Maybe I'm selfish... Maybe I'm not. Maybe I just see everything I wear, like I don't deserve this or its too good for me.

Sorry for the long rant.. I just needed to let some of my feelings out.