The Journal Of Truth

Talking

Dear friends, I just want to let you know that I am upset. If you cared, you would already know by now ~ M

I wish that my group cared enough to listen to what I have to say. The only friend that I think is real is L. She is nice and I can easily talk to her. My friend circle ( My friend group ) asks me why I am upset and then when I start talking, they cut me off and start talking about THEM. I always listen to your gabber, about you getting ducks, your new dress and your science competition, so can't I talk about my home life? 

You are just acting more like the pops ( Popular girls) and maybe now you are realizing that I am not as pretty, good enough for you. My friend today, called me a bitch. How nice, thanks for the complement " Friend."  

Seriously, I thought you would have my back, but instead you have the pops back and they have yours. When I was sitting in your chair, you ask for it back and they say " She let you have it when she was gone, but now she is back, so get out." I bitterly sit back on the floor, watching you and the pops talk and laugh not even doing school work. I feel like the third wheel. I know that you are a popular giggly girl who loves dresses, and has tons of money to spend at the mall. The pops, are turning everyone into them. I don't want to change who I am to fit in and have friends. 

I would rather be a outcast than be one of them. That is why everyone thinks that I am a redneck, just because I act like one. First of all, I am not a total redneck, a slight part of me is, but I too enjoy shopping, sure I like boots instead of sandals, so what I like shooting a bow when I get mad, is it better than crying and throwing a temper tantrum? I am not perfect, it's obvious.

I know that there are rumors about me, and that you and my other " friends" talk about me behind my back, saying how I am always moody and crabby, biting at each others throats. But, if you have the courage to say that to other people, why not say it to my face?

Why lie about what you were saying when I walk up to the table and sit down, then everything become silent? I now just realize, that you were telling me not to change for a guy, but it makes it okay for you to change for the pops to like you? All you want is to be liked, then be yourself. Stop lying about who you are, just so you can fit in.

I am not changing, just embracing my other crazy side. Why does everyone think that I will turn into a redneck that gets high? I hate math, I hate social studies, but I am trying to improve. So what I got a D in math on my report card, I have had a lot going on. Start thinking about your life instead of judging mine.

I wonder if you listen to the rumors, and what the pops say about me that makes it so you ignore me. I wish that I could talk to you, but I now know that I can't. I remember how you were talking to the pops, and you told us their secrets, and I wonder if you do the same for us. You probity told them who I like, and that I am changing for them, but if you met my dad and my brother getting to know them, you would know that I am not changing for them. I am just being myself. I have different personalities and maybe if you would care, you would know me, not the school me, but the crazy, fun seeking me.

~ M (Countrygirl1055)