The Journal Of Truth

So Sudden

At the last dance I went over to my friends house to get ready and I had tons of fun with CR. I think our friendship is finally coming together again. I finally got over my old crush and then I got a new one. At the dance I was trying to get my confidence up to ask my crush to dance and then it turns out that someone else in his group liked me.

The person who liked me asked me to dance and I said sure, I wasn't in the mood to say no and then he asked me out. I was kinda put on the spot so I said again sure. It was weird holding hands with him and when he out his arm around my shoulders. I have a boyfriend, but I like someone else.

It's been bugging me so badly because now I am in the redneck group and I want to be with someone else. I really don't know what to do. Tomorrow is school and I have to face my boyfriend and try to talk to my crush. Everything is so confusing because it happened so suddenly I didn't expect it.

Some of my friends are telling me I should just say with untill schools fully over and I know that it should be obvious if I don't like him then I should dump him, but it's so much more complicated than that.

It just doesn't seem right to be around my boyfriend and it's not fair to date him if I like someone else, but I don't want to be mean and just dump him just in case that my crush doesn't like me back. My feelings are so messed up and I just don't really want to have a boyfriend.

One of my friends E is getting annoyed because I have a boyfriend and I don't want be with him, and she has never been asked to dance yet. She thinks that I should just get over being uncomforterable around him and suck it up, staying with him.

At the dance all of my boyfriends friends were so happy for him and my friends were happy for me. I am just still stunned about it all. I feel almost like being forced to be with him. I have a lot of classes with him and I am not ready to face him. I just want to be around my crush and to date him. Monday I am going to talk to my crush and tell him how I feel. This whole weekend has been awful and I haven't been able to think about something else.

Yet, I am exited about having a boyfriend, but I don't think of him as a boyfriend, only a friend. My friend CR has been pressurring me to messaging my boyfriend and I just don't feel ready yet. I don't even know how I feel about dating and I am just still confused about everything.

I have a boyfriend, so why shouldn't I be happy? I am finally welcomed into a group that I have been trying to get into for a long time, so why am I trying to dump him? Why can't I think of something else?

So many questions, and I don't have answers to any of them.

I am going to die Monday, I am not ready to see my boyfriend or crush.

Last question : Why did I say yes? Was it from the pressure or because of how much I wanted a boyfriend?

*Wish me luck Monday. I will have another update tomorrow on what happens*

~ Countrygirl1055